Dun got old.
1 (20.0%)

Predictably, it could only last for so long.
0 (0.0%)

If you can't depend on the Friday Poll, what can you depend on?
1 (20.0%)

If there ever was anything to depend on, it was John Stamos and his dreamy, pan-ethnic appeal.
3 (60.0%)

Furious Asskicker [Surname].
0 (0.0%)

Gilgamesh Thor-Beowulf [Surname].
1 (20.0%)

Hoosegow Kerplunk [Surname].
3 (60.0%)

Dracopegasus Unicorn [Surname].
1 (20.0%)

I understand you can make thousands of dollars a month selling things on eBay you never have to store or handle. Why don't you try that?
0 (0.0%)

Between blood, semen and plasma, there's a decent market for fluids out there.
4 (80.0%)

Stand around the Home Depot parking lot making kissy-faces at the women who come in for paintbrushes and such. Apparently that gets those guys temp work.
0 (0.0%)

Nothing to worry about. The government will take care of us. All of us.
1 (20.0%)

A hearing aid. Good god I hope it was a hearing aid.
1 (25.0%)

What I at first thought was a monitor-cleaner but discovered was a handkercheif.
1 (25.0%)

Enough DNA in toenail-clipping form to eventually create his clone.
2 (50.0%)

Not one but two gavels.
0 (0.0%)

twicketface -- Why haven't we seen any tennis stars transition over to porn?
3 (50.0%)

twicketface -- You've already made fun of chili, Jason Lee and tennis - what's the next thing I hold dear scheduled to be laughed at in the Friday poll?
1 (16.7%)

twicketface -- After winning the pretend Superbowl the last three years in a row, how come I suck at fantasy football this year?
2 (33.3%)

Sitting through all three movies was worth that one shot of the Imperial Senate that showed all the different representatives in their pods in that gigantic hall.
1 (16.7%)

The creepy pedo-vibe between Amidala and Annakin in Ep 1 shed a little light on the creepy incest-vibe between Luke & Leia.
2 (33.3%)

Ewan McGregor did such a dead-on-balls Alec Guinness it was silly.
2 (33.3%)

Fortunately, my mind has pushed all memory of those films into the deeper recesses of my brain. Only when I think about them very hard to I start getting glimpses of them back and man, don't do that to me. Now I'm thinking about all that oopsy-daisy shit.
1 (16.7%)

Hayden Planetarium.
5 (83.3%)

Hayden Harnett.
0 (0.0%)

Hayden Homes.
1 (16.7%)

Hayden Airport.
0 (0.0%)

Straight to the point.
1 (16.7%)

Backhanded (ala, "your hair looks great! It's nice to see you caring about how you look for a change!")
5 (83.3%)

Think of them and fire them out right away.
3 (50.0%)

Think of them but chicken out on saying them.
0 (0.0%)

Think of them too long after the insult to say them.
3 (50.0%)

Fer it.
3 (50.0%)

Aggin it.
3 (50.0%)

My old office was in a back corner with a door awkwardly positioned so only people intending to see me saw me. My new office is between the receptionist desk and the kitchen, facing the lobby. I've seen more people in 2 hours than I'd see in a week.
1 (16.7%)

Not only do I face the lobby, but the wall behind the receptionist and my doorjamb create a perfect frame through which someone can see the sides of my monitor and my face from the main entrance.
2 (33.3%)

Now that I'm all visible and stuff, people keep stopping by not just to chat, but saying stuff like "oh, I thinking about this new project I want to start and now that I see you, I remembered you'd be great for it!"
3 (50.0%)

Since I'm on "Executive Row", in the stretch of offices that includes the CEO and COO, my collage of the dozens of duplicate marketing postcards had to go.
0 (0.0%)

If you're anything like the guy who called me the other day saying he'd be late for our 10am meeting, between the bathroom and the headaches, you just couldn't get going.
0 (0.0%)

Because if those fuckers are going to be picky about when you show up, you might start getting picky about when you leave. Your 11-hour days start when you goddamn feel like they should start.
3 (42.9%)

Golden Girls Hour on Lifetime is from 9-10.
4 (57.1%)

Because you don't really care if there's a job waiting for you there?
0 (0.0%)

Con: the anniversary of your birth has been befouled by the stench of death. Pro: At least it's not like your birthday is 9/11 or something - you'll actually have to remind people what happened on your birthday in 2009.
2 (28.6%)

Con: some people may have forgotten to wish you a happy birthday. Pro: at least the folks in your office had something to talk about while they awkwardly stood around eating the supermarket cake procured in your honor.
3 (42.9%)

Pro: you got to hear a bunch of good songs on your birthday. Con: you also got to hear about Farrah Fawcett's butthole.
2 (28.6%)

Pro: if you're one of those people who's cagey about saying it's your birthday, you were in luck. Con: most of those people wish the reason no one is talking about their birthday is because they're secretly plotting a surprise party, so not really.
0 (0.0%)

First make sure your passport is valid.
1 (14.3%)

Find a nice bed and breakfast in Asheville, NC that's maybe a quarter mile from a winery.
2 (28.6%)

What for? I'm sure there are already plenty of books written about it, most with pictures already taken.
1 (14.3%)

Go to REI and buy a bunch of expensive crap that you'll never use again.
3 (42.9%)

The incandescent lightbulb.
0 (0.0%)

The NyQuil Logo.
3 (42.9%)

The 2D diagrams of the chemical makeups of such nonos as nicotine, cocaine, or fructose.
2 (28.6%)

The broken-image red X in white box.
2 (28.6%)

Cleaning the tub. Not so much for grossness but for pain-in-the-assness.
3 (42.9%)

I hate cleaning that little area behind the faucet on the sink. It's always covered in some weird black shit and doesn't ever seem to be dry.
2 (28.6%)

[insert pet-care chore here].
0 (0.0%)

Cleaning the inside of the fridge.
2 (28.6%)

I'm a dude and I do too.
1 (14.3%)

Chick thing.
6 (85.7%)

300 years after the big war, the tables have turned: humans are the plague of gigantic insects in a world of overgrown fauna. Man makes the best weapons he can in the face of reverting technology. Millipede: the movie.
2 (28.6%)

After a hole in the bottom of the ocean floor leading to subterranean caverns in which tiny peaks of land poke up from rivers of magma. Exploration is only possible with the aid of genetically altered ostriches. Joust: the movie.
1 (14.3%)

An affable coal miner in West Virginia needs to up the ante this month to support his family now that his wife has lost her job. Pulling long hours digging deeper than ever before, Doug is faced with unimaginable perils. Dig Dug!
4 (57.1%)

A bizarre meteorite has landed in Utah. Within days, a colony of alien spores created an ever-moving patchwork of bacteria in the desert sky. Whether the Army, police, or a citizen hunter, everyone has to pitch in to fight the Space Invaders.
0 (0.0%)

Any variation on man-pushing-lawnmower-across-pubes.
0 (0.0%)

This one. NSW, obvs.
4 (50.0%)

Some idiot on a Lost board got the numbers tattooed on their arm halfway through season 1. A) the numbers turned out to be bad and B) that was SEASON 1. Who knew if Lost would be just another Life On Mars? (see also: Pam Anderson's Barb Wire tattoo).
3 (37.5%)

Anything on your head/neck/hands. To pull that off, you have to be a great musician, great artist or great chef, but most of the folks with tattoos there end up being little more than mediocre barristas.
1 (12.5%)

If he's anything like my mom and her kleenex fascination, you'll need at least 3x as much as usual.
2 (25.0%)

He's a dude, so he shouldn't be using more than a few poop-doses of the stuff. What is he doing with all the TP?
2 (25.0%)

As much as you may want to ask him to bring his own toilet paper, how on earth would you plan on broaching that subject without hurt feelings?
0 (0.0%)

Steal one of those jumbo rolls next time you're at a rest stop and keep it on hand for such occasions.
4 (50.0%)

Sure, go for it, but they have to be good. This one, for example? Not much to work with.
3 (37.5%)

That's so renob.
5 (62.5%)

That's 3 more good songs than most of the bands that have come out since 1994.
1 (12.5%)

They bravely made an anti-Bush theme album during the peak of Bush-bashing popularity, which provided a nice quickening to their punkness in the face of their fortyness.
0 (0.0%)

We have to pretend they're musical geniuses in order to feel better about ourselves for following a 3-chord band for so long.
1 (12.5%)

Fortunately, we're not asking why Limp Bizkit is still relevant. Let's celebrate the small victories.
6 (75.0%)

Mauled by a bear.
3 (42.9%)

The vapors.
2 (28.6%)

Caught necktie/clothing in paper shredder.
1 (14.3%)

Leporacy and/or Bubonic Plague.
1 (14.3%)

Dead for real.
4 (50.0%)

Dead ala Tupac/Andy Kaufman.
1 (12.5%)

In a cryogenics vault with Walt Disney.
3 (37.5%)

Dude, you don't have any money. You know they cost like $200 apiece or something.
4 (50.0%)

You can buy a vowel. Now ask right. "May I buy a vowel".
3 (37.5%)

What are you talking about? Vowel? What does that have to do with why your actual revenue for second quarter is $27,000 less than your projection?
0 (0.0%)

I'm sorry. While your answer is technically in the form of a question, we were looking for "What is 'Can I buy a vowel'?"
1 (12.5%)

It proves what all of us knew but nobody said out loud: the Andy Samberg is best taken in doses of four minutes or less.
3 (37.5%)

Lame. 2007 or not, that clip was the antifunny. A black hole of funny. It made me forget scenes from Airplane!.
1 (12.5%)

The age of a clip doesn't matter - I saw Bubb Rubb at least 3 years late and loved it, and I'll still watch the Lions in Kenya for minutes straight to this day (which reminds me....aaah). Just don't act like you've discovered something.
2 (25.0%)

This too shall pass. Then in a year or so you'll stumble upon it again and think back on how much you loved it back in June '09, and you'll either wonder why you loved it so much or love it all over again.
2 (25.0%)

I followed popespydie's recommendation and got Peggle, which was heartily enjoyed. Until I made the mistake of dusting off my old copy of Caesar III, which has proven wildly consuming for an 11-year-old game.
0 (0.0%)

I have also found myself in a gang of Horde slayers on GOW2, in spite of my distaste for shooters (which stems entirely from my general ineptitude with the controls - I'm usually running in circles shooting at the sky, but GoW2's are great).
0 (0.0%)

When people bust you on your spelling, grammar, or syntax, it's because either a) they have nothing better to say, b) want to feel superior to someone, or c) aren't paying attention to nor care about what you're saying.
4 (50.0%)

Probably something that was handed in before spellcheck, but then my mom would have typed it for me on her typewriter and she'd have served as the spellcheck. So no, I can't say I have.
4 (50.0%)

"Huh. Looks like he had the fish!"
3 (37.5%)

After he died, they had a bunch of the passengers line up to try and slap him awake.
0 (0.0%)

Somebody got an awesome cameraphone pic of a stewardess trying to reinflate him through the nozzle on his belt.
3 (37.5%)

To try to cheer up the crew who'd been flying with a corpse for a few hours, one of the stewardesses randomly ran by with her top off, paused in front of them to jiggle her boobs for a second, and then scurried off.
2 (25.0%)

Kill it. 3-questions a week is no way for a once-glorious weekly phenom to live.
0 (0.0%)

Keep it. So what if it's only a few questions.
4 (50.0%)

Let it limp on until January 22, 2010 which will effectively be it's 5th anniversary date and end it ceremoniously.
4 (50.0%)

King Soopers.
0 (0.0%)

Bigg's.
0 (0.0%)

BI-LO.
3 (50.0%)

Schnucks.
3 (50.0%)

Shave something into your head. A word, a symbol, whatever. It's your last chance.
1 (16.7%)

Enjoy these last 12 months of being able to believe that you can fight The Man, resist corporate culturalism and blame anybody but yourself for whatever shit your irresponsibility has landed you in.
1 (16.7%)

Get a hotel room with 8 of your friends while telling the front desk there are only 4 of you.
2 (33.3%)

Crash on a friend's floor one last time/offer your friends a place to stay and not expect scorn for only having floorspace available.
2 (33.3%)

Louie.
1 (20.0%)

Doug.
2 (40.0%)

Old Fashioned Guy
0 (0.0%)

____ with the State prize contests.
2 (40.0%)

$240 worth of Pudding.
1 (20.0%)

Monkey Torture.
2 (40.0%)

The orphan game show.
2 (40.0%)

Beating the Snuggle bear to death with an iron.
0 (0.0%)

What's great about the Soup's format is you can watch the best 15 seconds of all those shows you wouldn't want to dedicate an entire hour (or more) to. These web clips are only about 15 seconds. What service are we getting?
1 (16.7%)

Web Soup casually referred to Two Girls One Cup. There's a reason it's only available on the internet for people familiar with the medium. If my mom calls & asks me what it means or says she "downloaded the url for that Two Girls thing" I'm gonna sue.
0 (0.0%)

If we think the Cheezburger Network overexposed classic memes faster than a white trash pageant mother, just wait.
2 (33.3%)

They are likely to be as in tune with the current intarwebs pulse as the cat lady in the accounting department. Look forward to episode upon episode of such "fresh new clips" as Bubb Rubb, Technoviking, and Numa Numa.
3 (50.0%)

True.
4 (66.7%)

False.
2 (33.3%)

Keep hanging out with college-age kids. They'll do the same shit you did, but amp it up to a more dangerous and unsustatinable degree until you become helpless putty in their hands, unable to relate to either college students or people your own age.
1 (14.3%)

When you realize you're not among the youngest people in a particular bar, move to a bar for the next age group so you never have to feel old.
2 (28.6%)

Make sure to watch The Hills, Gossip Girl, and So You Think You Can Dance, know who the Jonas Brothers are, and read Twilight. Bonus points for referring to shows, movies or music from the late '90s/early 00's as "oldskool".
0 (0.0%)

Refuse to plan anything more than one week ahead, and scorn those who try to. This will successfully alienate you from "old" people.
4 (57.1%)

I know I felt something, but it may just have been lightheadedness.
3 (42.9%)

While I don't remember the monument of balloon blowing, I do remember being taught how to blow bubbles with my gum by my older brother while driving to Disney World when I was five. I had to pull my gum off the back of my dad's seat more than once.
1 (14.3%)

I don't remember the last time I blew up a balloon, let alone the first. I have virtually no contact with balloons.
1 (14.3%)

I do. And what a day it was. No longer did I need my mom or anyone else to transform a flaccid swatch of rubber into a joyful, semibouyent delight sure to tickle my fancy for hours as I jauntily nudged it into the air with the kiss of a fingertip.
2 (28.6%)

Vellum maker.
0 (0.0%)

Casino Food Recycler.
2 (28.6%)

Vomit Island Workers. Moreso for the fish hatchery than Poo Island.
4 (57.1%)

Any of the ones in which he had to inseminate an animal.
1 (14.3%)

Rosie O'Donnell's corsetiere.
0 (0.0%)

Janitor at the Rock of Love house, particularly on hot tub sanitizing day.
2 (28.6%)

Humane Society cleanup crew at the house of one of those crazy people who has thousands of cats and newspaper stacks.
4 (57.1%)

Riverdance's on-tour podiatrist.
1 (14.3%)

The bare minimum. Car key, house keys.
2 (28.6%)

The bare minimum plus a few supermarket consumption-tracking cards, and a keyring of some kind.
4 (57.1%)

My keys have more flair than that prettyboy Brian.
1 (14.3%)

The basics: Credit cards, cash, ID, insurance card.
3 (42.9%)

The basics, plus a few extras such as stamps, a few business cards, gift cards or coupons, or an emergency Band-Aid.
4 (57.1%)

Show this card at any participating Orlando-area Exxon station to get your free "Save the Tiger" poster!
0 (0.0%)

Harrison Ford was named after his great-great-grandfather, president William Henry Harrison.
1 (14.3%)

All of the brown orphans Madonna has been gunning for had been previously rejected by Angelina Jolie.
2 (28.6%)

Steve Guttenberg and Greg Grunberg are brothers, but Greg thought it would be a smart career move to change things up a little bit.
0 (0.0%)

While Marilyn Manson and Paul from the Wonder Years aren't the same person, they are third cousins by marriage, so that's probably where everybody got confused.
4 (57.1%)

Spot the 10-year-old.
1 (11.1%)

Open a national franchise/walk down a main street wearing a Wal-Mart smock.
1 (11.1%)

Land at the San Jose airport and get to SFO in 65 minutes on a weekday morning to make a connection.
5 (55.6%)

Be the longest to tolerate the washed-up old hippie's tales of how great Haight-Ashbury was, man.
2 (22.2%)

It's not that complicated. He wrote the song to a phlebotomist.
0 (0.0%)

I'm sure it has something to do with a dipstick, or a thermometer. Insertion, blah blah, the whole nine yards.
8 (80.0%)

He clearly wants her to do something more than dance. If he truly has a fever, a little softshoe isn't doing anything for anybody.
0 (0.0%)

He's not being very clear. Maybe he's hoping for some sort of holistic, all-encompassing diagnostic method.
2 (20.0%)

Feeling pretty good. I think Burger King makes a fine cup of coffee. I'm gonna hang out with my nerdy friends today playing a nerdy board game.
3 (30.0%)

I feel pretty sore and achy. I think I'll be more sore and achy on Monday. I'm gonna do some quality yardwork this weekend.
4 (40.0%)

I that tingly feeling in my face when I have to pee really bad but we're only pulling into the driveway. I think I'll make it without pissing myself. I'm gonna run into the bathroom without closing the front or bathroom doors.
2 (20.0%)

I feel pretty good. I think if I have another drink I'm going to have to ask my boyfriend to drive us home. I'm gonna go for it.
1 (10.0%)

Hot dogs.
4 (40.0%)

Corn on the cob.
4 (40.0%)

Funnel cakes.
0 (0.0%)

Plastic tube ice pops.
2 (20.0%)

Cauliflower.
1 (10.0%)

Green beans.
4 (40.0%)

Melons.
4 (40.0%)

Zucchini/Yellow Squash.
1 (10.0%)

Public Enemies
0 (0.0%)

Bruno.
1 (11.1%)

G.I. Joe.
5 (55.6%)

Inglourious Basterds.
3 (33.3%)

Land of the Lost.
6 (60.0%)

Imagine That.
2 (20.0%)

The Ugly Truth.
0 (0.0%)

I Love You, Beth Cooper.
2 (20.0%)

The Hangover.
3 (33.3%)

Year One.
2 (22.2%)

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time.
3 (33.3%)

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
1 (11.1%)

I'm still super fun.
4 (40.0%)

I'm desperately clinging to the past.
3 (30.0%)

I'm a redneck.
1 (10.0%)

I'm doing my part to project the adult, professional image I present at work in every aspect of my life.
2 (20.0%)