The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight (maeincarnate) wrote,
The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight
maeincarnate

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Adventures in Online Dating, Vol. 2

I never did turn off the IM log on my home computer. Shit like this makes me realize why. Let me introduce the next subject in the Online Dating Adventure, we'll call him Gilbert. I get an IM from Gilbert one night and it starts off on an odd yet fascinating note. The headline for my profile is a Simpsons quote, and Gilbert uses this line as his intro to the IM conversation. I ask if he knows what it means, and his honest to god response is, "probably simpsons." Why probably, I ask, is he used to not catching Simpsons quotes? "i really dont watch that show. not my kinda thing." Curious, I prod as to why.
Gilbert: i think it's more along the type of humor that i dont get
Mej: why is that
Gilbert: i'm not into degrading or demoralizing humor
Mej: interesting
Gilbert: i dont make jokes at other's expense
Mej: why do you think Simpsons is degrading and demoralizing?
Gilbert: just seems like everything i've heard about it is that they like to make fun of certain types of people
Mej: that's unfortunate. it's a lot deeper than that.
Mej: is there a particular type of person you hear they make fun of in particular?
Gilbert: well i've heard they make fun of retarded people, slow learners, etc...and make derogetory comments about them
Mej: hmm
Mej: I can't say it has neverhappened, but nothing comes to mind. not that defending the Simpsons is my business
Mej: but I can't think of the last time I talked to someone whose knowledge of the Simpsions came secondhand
I felt like I had just received an instant message from a bomb shelter. I can understand not being able to talk about specific moments of particular episodes, but to have avoided perhaps the most popular show on television, let alone one that's been on for over 15 years.

Ignorance quickly turns into hypocracy:
Gilbert: i'm not usually into juvenile type humor
Gilbert: i'm very much more dry and sarcastic
Mej: what would be a good example of your kind of humor
Gilbert: well i dunno
Gilbert: i cant just make something up
Gilbert: :)
Gilbert: i just tend to have dry wit
Mej: is there a movie or a show you're into
Gilbert: i dont know how to explain it
Gilbert: u kinda have ot know me
Mej: fair enough
...
Gilbert: i generally make people laugh who understand me
Gilbert: and who take the time to understand me
Gilbert: i guess you'd say my humor is on the more mature side
Mej: and yet there's no sort of example of something you find funny you can cite?
Gilbert: i tend to notice peopl'es little habbits
Gilbert: and i can make alot of humor out of it
Gilbert: in good fun
Gilbert: like a particular mannerism
Gilbert: tone of voice
Gilbert: accent of a particular word
Gilbert: etc.
Mej: I see
Gotcha. You won't watch a TV show that makes fun of people. Your brand of making fun of people is way more mature. That sort of deep, inaccessible scrutiny of the mundane that's reserved for a special group who can expand themselves enough to comprehend him.

I'm sure at this point you're wondering why I talked to this winner for so long. Cut me some slack - it was a Friday night, after happy hour. What the hell else was I gonna do?

To make what's fast becoming an unreadably long entry shorter, he sent me a picture of himself, got frustrated when I didn't fawn over it, asked me for the honest truth, I told him he was pompous and annoying. Judging from the timestamps, we argued 15 minutes about the value of subculture, personal development, and having a wide array of interests. And after all that, he asked me over to his place to keep him warm. I was able to resist.

A week or so later, he IMmed again. Pleasant smalltalk, etc. etc., and then another invitation. Another week goes by, idle chat here and there, each one topped with the inevetable proposal. I was beginning to grow weary of him, stopped responding to his IMs, and then this past Tuesday, I reached the limit of my patience, thus ending our tumultuous relationship:
Gilbert: well now u know :)
Gilbert: u could have been here keeping me company :)
Mej: indeed I could have
Gilbert: whenever u want
Gilbert: if u get bored maybe we can hookup sometime
Mej: thanks
Gilbert: ur welcome
Gilbert: hope u truly appreciated that
Mej: wtf do you want me to say
Gilbert: relax please
Mej: you have some sack to be all insulted
Gilbert: ok well i will let u go
Mej: yeah
Gilbert: i wont bother u anymore
Mej: sounds good. good luck
Gilbert: whatever
Gilbert: ur just plain rude i think
Gilbert: i was trying to be nice
Mej: LOL
Mej: ok
Mej: I'll keep that in mind
Gilbert: i dont know where u got off on that
Mej: lol
Mej: next time someone keeps asking me to come over and fuck them every time I'm on IM
Mej: I'll remember how rude I am
Gilbert: u do that
Session Close (Gilbert): Tue Dec 13 23:11:40 2005

BUZZZZZZZTTTTTT.
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