observacious -- If they call it an NFL "combine" why is there no giant thrashing machine chasing the players?
They save that for the European leagues.
The NFL Combine was such a colossal PR failure that they had to stage Tittiegate to distract the media.
The Astroturf is too expensive to replace every week.
Man, if only the XFL had made it. Vince McMahon wouldn't let a gem like this slip by.
htothem -- Team Simpson or Team Lachey?
eideteker -- Does anyone ever actually go to Texas on vacation, if they don't have relatives there or anything?
Texas: Come see if there's a basement in the Alamo!
Texas: Our beaches haven't been ravaged by a hurricane in months!
Texas: So big, there's GOT to be something worth looking at!
Texas: Come Mess With Us!
funboytim -- What do you call 10,000 lawyers lined up in front of Dick Cheney?
A good start (ba-dumdum!)
A two-week old joke.
A political fundraiser.
absolutcalm -- It's Sweeps Week on the sunday funny pages!! Come up with some juicy storylines.
They thought it was going to be a routine pillaging mission, but one of these vikings isn't coming home. Things never have been so Horrible for Haagar.
In a very special Prince Valiant, our hero realizes while someday he will become king, in his heart, he will always be a queen.
After years of spousal abuse, alcoholism, and depression, Andy Capp's family stages an intervention. Read it with someone you love.
The kids of B.C. get their hands on that dictionary, and you won't believe what words they look up! Turn to us this Sunday for some words you thought you'd never see on the same page as For Better or Worse!
clockwatcher -- what did you do to celebrate the presidents on president's day?
You can call me Aaron Burr by the way I'm droppin' Hamiltons!
I got a BJ from a fat chick.
I released sheep on the White House lawn.
I bought Louisiana. Thanks to Katrina, it's back to 3¢ an acre.
coldblackncold -- Why did I have the bowl?
One would think if you owned a goldfish bowl, at one time or another you owned a goldfish.
pooplord -- Why is it acceptable to chew gum on Metro, but not to eat or drink?
Gum creates neither crumbs nor spills. Even inappropriately discarded gum will not attract pests.
The Gum Monitors Local 209 is on strike.
It's a dental hygiene thing. 4 out of 5 dentists agree that chewing gum can reduce plaque buildup.
First they came for the food. Then they came for the gum. Next they'll ticket us for nibbling our cuticles.
petdance -- Have you ever ordered a fish sandwich at Arby's? If so, why? It's a roast beef place, duh!
I have ordered chili at Wendy's. Why wouldn't I order fish at Arby's?
Have you ever ordered anything at Arby's that wasn't delicious? (okay except the chicken strips)
I ate a fish taco in the Arby's parking lot once.
Yeah, duh. Arby's roast beef sandwiches are a rare and wonderful treat. Why one would squander an Arby's order on anything but is beyond me.
soarjubs -- It's so easy to take a pooh, so why is it so much harder to get it back in?
Yeah! And why do they call it taking a poo? They should call it leaving a poo!
Taking the poo is a one-person job. Reinserting the poo is a two-person job. And really, who wants to help out with that?
If you ate more roughage, young man, it wouldn't be so hard to get back in.
twicketface -- Why am I so bad at ironing clothing?
Like mass-production of small, cheap, plastic toys, ironing is something best left to the Chinese.
With today's synthetic fibers, the need for ironing is next to nil. We're all out of practice.
It's that Negative Nelly attitude of yours. Think like a good ironer and you'll BE a good ironer.
pantload -- What's the biggest steaming turd the 'Baby Boomer Generation' has left for us to clean up? Also, remember that guy that used to be on the radio - Howard Stern? (Mej Note: This will be split into two questions)
Steven Spielberg's career.
Also, remember that guy that used to be on the radio - Howard Stern?
Oh, you mean that guy who was funny when he had this "devoted married guy talking to hookers" schtick, but when he gave in it stopped being interesting?
I remember Pig Vomit. Does that count?
I will always remember him. Whatever he does or may do in the future, he gave us The Homeless Game. And for that, I am eternally in his debt.
renob423 -- why was it so warm then it got so cold?
The earth turned in such a way that the side you are on wasn't facing the sun. It will get warm again tomorrow.
It's wintertime, so the question should be "what was the deal with that heatwave?"
We just experienced a teensy little Ice Age.
Fucking lyingass groundhog.
friendship7 -- isn't black coffee the shit?
In a few hours, yeah.
It is, which is why the cream and/or sugar are so important.
It's so easy to drink black coffee, why is it so much harder to get out? (wait, what? that doesn't make any sense)
Which of the following expired slang term(s) should be reintroduced into conversation?