The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight (maeincarnate) wrote,
The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight
maeincarnate

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It's Friday Poll Time!

Poll #833141 Friday! Friday!! Friday!!!

anonymous1327 -- do you ever stop and think about........

if humans could fly, would it look all smooth and graceful like Superman or would it look all awkward and spazzy like we were swimming through the air?
6(35.3%)
how if only you could fart at any time, like when there's some douche next to you on an airplane who keeps hogging the armrest how awesome it would be to just fart on him when you get up to go to the can?
2(11.8%)
if they did come up with a cure for the common cold, what excuses would people have to make up to take the day off for hangovers or amusement park visits?
3(17.6%)
exactly what people must have smelled like in the 20's? I mean, they smoked constantly, drank nothing but coffee and booze all day, and bathed only a few times a week. Ugh.
6(35.3%)

bobwhite -- Should I murder my coworkers because they are ignorant fucktards?

No need. FUcktards have a way of getting themselves impaled on things through no one's fault but their own.
5(29.4%)
Don't murder them; toy with them. Set them up in ways that their fucktardery can become a source of comedy.
7(41.2%)
It is the duty of the sensible to murder the fucktarded.
0(0.0%)
You should teach your coworkers because they're ignorant fucktards. If after they are exposed to information and still are fucktards, that makes them stupid fucktards who deserve to be murdered.
5(29.4%)

observacious -- Is there any tv drama (currently running) that has not used Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" in its soundtrack at least once?

They have to use the same stuff from show to show. If network TV shows were too unique from one another, the average viewer would get all confused.
3(17.6%)
There was a glitch in the TV-Drama scriptwriting machine for a few days that nobody noticed.
3(17.6%)
If there's a better 1000 yard stare/longing sigh song out there, I'd like to hear it.
5(29.4%)
THIS is why I stick to cartoons.
6(35.3%)

absolutcalm -- Why won't these LJ free submitees suck it up and get a fucking LJ?

Yeah! There are tons of people on LJ who never post - just make up a name so you can vote and comment!
9(52.9%)
That's right! Show those jerks with their jerkass faces!
3(17.6%)
I dunno. The tell-me-your-question system seems to be working fine.
0(0.0%)
Knowing the stubbornness potential of at least one of these guys, I can tell you right now, a callout does nothing for the cause.
5(29.4%)

friendship7 -- How're you gonna go?

Blurting out obscenities with every dying breath.
7(41.2%)
Homeless, penniless, and 20lb overweight.
1(5.9%)
Shot down on the pavement, or waiting in death row?
2(11.8%)
Laughing in the face of those who oppose me.
7(41.2%)

renob423 -- how come you don't see those little mouse balls built into keyboards anymore?

Because they sucked more ass than those little eraser mouses on laptops.
6(35.3%)
Because the whole eleventh-finger evolution thing is WAY behind schedule.
3(17.6%)
Because they were even more useless than those internet navigation buttons on some keyboards.
4(23.5%)
Because they switched over to cockroach balls a while ago, but they're so small we can't see them I dunno, I was out of ideas.
4(23.5%)

ao -- What is more scary: A woman driving along talking on her cell phone and putting on makeup - or - a woman driving while wearing a full burka?

Cellphone/Makeup. The signs say "Do not distract the driver", they never say "do not oppress the driver".
4(23.5%)
Burka. You never know what's going on under there. She could be a ninja or something. Scary.
2(11.8%)
Depends on wich one has Maryland plates and which one is a minivan.
6(35.3%)
The ugly ass chick who doesn't wear makeup and won't wear a burka.
5(29.4%)

thedrandmr -- Why does my old navy polo make me smell funky half way through the day?

It's part of the whole rugged-fashion style that Old Navy peddles at such amazing prices.
1(5.9%)
"Old Navy" seems like a cool and preppy sort of name, but when you think about it, what did you expect something from the old navy to smell like?
7(41.2%)
You smelled like that the entire day. It took half the day for the Old Navy Polo's odor blockers to finally wear out.
8(47.1%)
Because the Old Navy sweatshop is actually located on the Mothership.
1(5.9%)

coldblackncold -- If Pope Benedict XVI quits being the pope after this kerfuffle, what is the next career step for the current Vicar of Christ?

Benedict at the Box Office: finally, a movie critic who ain't gonna apologize to nobody.
5(29.4%)
He starts a new business making appearances at birthday parties called My Super Sacred XVI.
3(17.6%)
Teaching Latin to German kids, duh.
1(5.9%)
Selling salvation nuggets on eBay under the username number1catholic.
8(47.1%)

veejay -- It's official: my hair is thinning at the crown and will likely progress -- how do I respond? (note: I have plenty of ass hair I don't think I'd particularly miss if removed from its current location)

Bic it. Bic it now.
3(17.6%)
Purchase and employ every chemical hair treatment on the market. Even if you don't win, you at least didn't go down without a fight.
4(23.5%)
Grow out the back and sides really long. That fools everybody.
5(29.4%)
If you can live knowing you have part of your ass on your head, go for it. But this asshair plan of yours had better involve more than just yanking and sprinkling.
5(29.4%)

TWO PARTER!!! subbes -- Possible Workman's Comp claims, FY2006.

In accordance with new building-perimeter smoking ban, I had to walk across the street, at which time I was struck by a car and broke my leg.
8(47.1%)
Repetitive-motion disorder in both thumbs from constant Blackberry use.
4(23.5%)
As a result of the office's lenient telecommuting policy, I have developed bed sores.
3(17.6%)
Since the new business casual dress code has been instated, I have developed plantar fasciitis from being allowed to wear flip-flops to work.
2(11.8%)

subbes -- Also, how do you have a "neckload" of vagina?

Become post-thermoglobal disaster survivor, hunt whales from the inside.
5(29.4%)
Be the Costner.
3(17.6%)
We're talking about real vagineck here. Not just some chubby neckfat folds.
6(35.3%)
You just need one up there to have a neckload. Compared to the usual vagina-free necks, one vagina is enough to make a difference.
3(17.6%)

soarjubs -- What is the best non-sexual, non-excretory use for my wonkus?

A handy comparative measuring device. Thaaaat looks to be about 2 penises long, so I'd say it's about...
6(35.3%)
Your personal, portable, penile thermometer!
3(17.6%)
Making a living as the world's first hands-free elevator operator.
3(17.6%)
You know how in movies when banks are being robbed they always have to sneak pressing the alarm before they put their hands up? They weren't thinking hard enough.
5(29.4%)

eideteker -- Take the L out of lover and it's ____.

Rove.
1(6.2%)
Esbian.
3(18.8%)
V. Roe (as in vagina fisheggs).
3(18.8%)
just someone you have sex with from time to time.
9(56.2%)

From Evan -- 80's Sci-Fi Battle Royale:

Lando Calrissian and the Predator team up and take down everybody from Rick Deckard to the dudes from Tron. To the surprise of no one, the first chance he has Lando smashes Predator with a chair, breaking their alliance and winning it all.
3(18.8%)
After spending the match faking everyone out with his awed hippie routine, Johnny 5 pulls the robotic rope-a-dope, waits until it's down to him and that creepy chick from Small Wonder, whips out laser and blasts the shit out of her. Johnny 5 Alive!.
7(43.8%)
To the chagrin of many, it was set up as an Over The Ropes match, giving Robocop and the Terminator an apparent advantage, but their lumbering weight was useless against the nimble Gizmo, who after a dip on the water bucket overtook them both.
1(6.2%)
Early in the match, Chet makes the foolish mistake of calling Marty McFly "chicken", causing him to go completely apeshit, grabbing E.T. by his head and swinging him around like a wrecking ball.
5(31.2%)

A girl from my high school who I ran into at the reunion has put me on her forwarding list. Just about every day, a new email comes in that may as well have been written in 1997. The one on Monday featured those cutesy little phrase plaques often seen hanging in the kitchens of Beanie Baby collectors. Which is the worst?

I have entered the Snapdragon part of my life. Part of me has snapped...and the rest of me is draggin'!
1(6.2%)
I don't skinny dip, I chunky dunk.
1(6.2%)
Dear IRS: I would like to cancel my subscription - please remove my name from your mailing list.
4(25.0%)
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
0(0.0%)
I'm not 40-something, I'm $39.95 plus shipping & handling.
7(43.8%)
I don't have hot flashes, I have short, private vacations in the tropics.
0(0.0%)
If it's not one thing, it's your mother.
1(6.2%)
A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands.
0(0.0%)
Born free...now I'm expensive.
2(12.5%)

YOUR QUESTION HERE

Tags: friday poll
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