The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight (maeincarnate) wrote,
The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight
maeincarnate

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It's Friday Poll Time!

Poll #1085738 Friday! Friday!! Friday!!!

absolutcalm -- Predict the Future failed career paths of celebrity kids like Suri Cruise, the Pitt Clan and Danilynn Smith.

Unable to remain unaware of her mother's life & eventual fate after learning how to read, Danilynn Smith lands a gig on a Christian sitcom, & follows in the footsteps of Kirk Cameron: embracing The Lord, rejecting evils of sex, pornography & drugs.
3(25.0%)
Isabella Jane Kidman-Cruise, meet Julian Lennon. You guys should have a lot in common.
2(16.7%)
After the fallout from the famous Zahara tongue kiss, Maddox Jolie-Pitt shifts his underwhelming music career from fauxhawked semi-rocker to acoustic ballads in praise of the Earth, and revives the Lillith Faire tour with Rosie O'Donnell's kids.
3(25.0%)
Suri Cruise emerges early as a child star pheonom. While filming what would have been her child-to-adult star transitional role, an ill-timed rainstorm causes her circuits to malfunction and carefully modeled prosthetic skin to melt off her face.
4(33.3%)

twicketface -- After winning the pretend Superbowl the last three years in a row, how come I suck at fantasy football this year?

Like so many of us, you got caught in the trap of familiarity. Perennial favorites have tanked, gotten hurt, or otherwise unperformed. This has been a year where the cosmic balance between skill and luck has favored the fortunately clueless.
3(25.0%)
Your imaginary budget got cut after the scandal over your fake Special Teams Coach's involvement in a fantasy kiddie porn ring.
3(25.0%)
You've been too busy focusing your attention on crap like Tennis and Chili.
2(16.7%)
Did you get a new job that has you so busy or has blocked Yahoo you can't spend the same amount of time on your team as last year? That's what the guy in my league who's suddenly losing keeps crying about. Maybe it's an epidemic.
4(33.3%)

observacious -- What should I do with my freed up brain space now that the Internet (particularly wikipedia, IMDB, and the ever-increasing myriad of Google features) has largely eliminated the need to actually learn or remember anything?

Research and write elaborate essays that draw correlations between early Greek drama and the SNL movie cannon.
5(41.7%)
Do what old people do when their brain space no longer needs to be occupied by the minutiae of their job or workplace gossip: write letters to the editor.
1(8.3%)
Record and rewatch episodes of Jeopardy! until you have memorized every "question" and research the ones the players got wrong. Make a video of you in front of the TV, answering every question and chastising the errors. Put on YouTube, await fame.
3(25.0%)
Start your own sociological research. Something like the Cookie/Cake/Pie question, but record each answer you receive, key demographic information about the answerer, and publish charts, projections and trends about their preferences.
3(25.0%)

subbes -- Ways to make interstates less boring

Hire people to drive around recklessly with Maryland tags on, providing the other drivers with the illusion that they are constantly in danger of their lives and can for no second take their attention or focus off the road.
4(33.3%)
Make an interactive trivia game that works like the Burma-Shave ads of the 1940's: every 10 miles or so, have a question on a billboard, complete with a number to txt your answer to. 5 mins later, you answer is confirmed and you are awarded points.
2(16.7%)
Turn regular roadsigns into lolcat roadsigns. Oh noes1 Roadz be slipprah!"
5(41.7%)
Be it a spooky glimpse on a median strip or a terrifying simulated vehicular homicide, drivers can be entertained the same way abandoned carnival owners have fooled teen sleuths for years: by projecting images of ghosts in patches of simulated fog.
1(8.3%)

renob423 -- where is god's voice caged? In the body of a white rabbit named Snowball. who made a bigger fuck up, kramer or dog the bounty hunter? how come there havn't been any funny monkey questions lately? I answer 'em, I don't ask 'em. if plastic gives you cancer how come they still make water bottels?

Dog the Bounty Hunter. As if his job weren't tough enough already.
1(9.1%)
Kramer. His N-Bombing essentially destroyed his television career; Dog might see a ratings spike from this. And come on. Who really was surprised to find out "Dog" talks like that.
10(90.9%)

renob423 -- how come there havn't been any funny monkey questions lately? I answer 'em, I don't ask 'em. if plastic gives you cancer how come they still make water bottels?

If they stopped making stuff that gave us cancer, what would replace smoking as the social indicator of who to look down upon? How could they convince us to buy another spatula just because it's pink? What would we write on yellow rubber bracelets?
2(16.7%)
They have to slowly leak "information" about what does and does not cause cancer in order to stifle any suspicion that cancer is an entirely unpreventable fate carved in our individual genetic codes.
1(8.3%)
The bottled-water drinking community traditionally consisted of yuppies, soccer moms and health freaks. In early efforts to thin out this population of assholes, the cancer-causing agent was introduced. Who knew bottled water would take off?
7(58.3%)
Like cholesterol, there are "good" and "bad" types of cancers: some that kill you, some (like the one in water bottles) make your skin look supple or your digestion work smoothly. Rather than explain the good/bad thing, they call it "hydration".
2(16.7%)

coldblackncold -- The other night, the planets aligned in a celestial celebration of Patrick Swayze with both Road House and Red Dawn on cable at the same time. How does bobwhite resolve this dilemma?

In a Simpsonian tribute to Rube Goldberg, he rigged one of those drinky water birds up next to his remote so it would press the "recall" button every 53 seconds.
0(0.0%)
The event caused Bob to enter a catatonic savant-like state where he precisely recited the lines to one while watching the other, and upon switching the channels at commercials, continued his one-man performance of the first.
3(25.0%)
He turned up the volume on his living room and bedroom television sets as loud as possible, then lied down on the floor in the hallway in a meditative position, listening to both at once while envisioning them simultaneously in his mind.
5(41.7%)
To thwart the inevitable ramifications of the occurrance, he spent the next 90 minutes desperately searching for a channel, any channel, that was showing Point Break in order to complete the necessary and nullifying trifecta.
4(33.3%)

friendship7 -- Throughout the course of the day, I hear various sounds emanated by the truly nerdy. Not the cool, interesting, nerds-- hard core nerds. God's nerds (think CCIE, MCSD and up.) What is the most nerdly sound I hear?

Ni!
2(16.7%)
A symphony of sniffling, sinus aerator pump sprays, and nose-blowing.
2(16.7%)
Entire conversations of nothing but acronyms and numbers.
8(66.7%)
The clacking sound of the pagers, Blackberries, and cell phones vibrating against each other when clipped to closely together on the nerd's belt.
0(0.0%)

calamine_tea -- There are so many things that are wrong with this product and it's marketing. What is the absolute worst?

The drawings of the background chick in King Dancer on the cover has those awful tube socks with the stripes at the top.
1(8.3%)
"Indie Rockers" wouldn't be caught dead replacing their heroin-and-Stella-Artios workout with yoga. Or at "Hot Topic and other retailers" where the DVDs will soon be available.
3(25.0%)
This is another sad realization that those of us who are desperately hoping to suspend the fantasy in which we are still young and at the forefront of counterculture are willing to distort that which is "cool" to fit into our current lifestyle.
6(50.0%)
Per her Myspace, Page "Turner", backup yogi/naked tattoo model/underwear entreprenur, wrote a childrens book.
2(16.7%)

eideteker -- What songs should we play at your funeral? Omigod am I dying? If I'm dying, you can tell me, I swear.

If I get cremated, Genie in a Bottle.
3(25.0%)
If I get buried, Down Under.
4(33.3%)
If I get poisioned, Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm.
3(25.0%)
If I suffer cardiac arrest, Don't Go Breakin' My Heart.
2(16.7%)

coldblackncold -- SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: How many more Hanes commercials before Cuba goes down on Jordan? Have commercials gotten funnier in the past few years or does it seem that way because I don't ever see them?

Three, tops.
1(9.1%)
If only Cuba put this much funny into any of his last, well, any films he has done.
4(36.4%)
You've got it backwards. After "obsessed screaming fan" and "dressing room impostor dance" comes "engage in sexual activity with the idol's partner".
1(9.1%)
Okay, what in the hell is this one all about?
5(45.5%)

The Japanese, in their infinite Japanesery, have created an Exploding Piggy Bank that lights up, makes a noise, shakes violently and scatters coins if it is not topped up for a long time. Should the user fail to save money regulary, they "must pick up and collect the scattered coins and reflect on their laziness". What's the next habit-conditioning product we can expect?

A toothbrush that contains a small timer to measure the duration of brushings. If you don't brush for the suggested 30 seconds, the bristles turn black so you can reflect on the consequences of your poor hygiene.
0(0.0%)
A motion detector implanted in your dental fillings that can sense when you are chewing with your mouth open that sends a burst of electricity in your cheek muscles forcing you to spit out your food, and exaggerating your poor manners.
4(33.3%)
A pedometer that will slowly leak cold liquid onto the seat of your pants should you spend too much time sitting. You must either change your pants or appear as though you urinated on yourself in a shameful reminder of your sloth.
3(25.0%)
A kitty litter box with a scale in the bottom. If you fail to change the litter before a certain amount of weight is added (not counting the cat) a siren loud enough to disrupt your neighbors blares for 5 mins an hour until the litter is replaced.
5(41.7%)

YOUR QUESTION HERE

Tags: friday poll
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