The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight (maeincarnate) wrote,
The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight
maeincarnate

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It's Friday Poll Time!

Poll #1106097 Friday! Friday!! Friday!!!

absolutcalm -- Okay, fine, I had a shitty-ass question last week. But I'm a first time offender-- there should be stiffer penalties for renob423 and that guy with the wizard cap. Am I being punished for being black?

omg ur black?
6(50.0%)
You have a long and celebrated track record of great questions and I have come to expect excellence from you. The best I can hope from renob423 is that his questions contain nouns.
4(33.3%)
I dunno, are you acting like a hypersensitive paranoiac with a victim complex because you're black?
2(16.7%)
Turning a shitty question into a moderately obscure Python reference is hardly punishment. renob423 doesn't get off that easy. Shit, his answers don't get that much thought.
0(0.0%)

How 'bout a TWOFER to make you feel better: absolutcalm -- How will you celebrate Kwanzaa this year?

Being one of the five people to come in the office all week and get paid to sit around and do nothing while everyone else blows vacation days to do the same thing at home.
1(8.3%)
Pairing Mahogany cards with thoughtless gifts purchased from the December 26 bargain bins.
4(33.3%)
Wallowing in white guilt.
5(41.7%)
Writing detailed posts on the Kwanzaa Wikipedia page explaining why a gorilla isn't an appropriate image for Kwanzaa.
2(16.7%)

rskipwo -- Which one should I be more concerned about - Asiatic Flu, Spanish Flu, Asian Flu, Hong Kong Flu or Avian Flu? And can i protect myself with random and occasional doses of Airborne? You can't prevent anything with an "occasional" dose of Airborne. You've gotta drink that stuff every 3 hours until it gives you the shits. Then you know it's working.

Asiatic Flu - Good: it doesn't have it's own Wikipedia, so it can't be all that bad. Bad: it's also called the "Russian" Flu and nothing Russian can be good.
0(0.0%)
Spanish Flu - Bad: there's speculation the last outbreak of it killed more people than the Black Death. Good: I dare you not to have "Little Spanish Flea" stuck in your head whenever you think about it.
1(8.3%)
Asian Flu - Bad: it apparently started with ducks and I'd rather not blame ducks for any negativity. Good: they were mutated wild ducks, which sounds kinda awesome and not like regular cutie ducks.
8(66.7%)
Hong Kong Flu - Good: alternate name "Swine Flu" hilarious. Bad: potential danger to world bacon supplies.
1(8.3%)
Avian Flu - Good: the virus doesn't transmit easily from poultry to humans. Bad: having to think about what methods through which the virus has transmitted from poultry to human in the cases it has.
2(16.7%)

coldblackncold -- Sherri Shepherd. From being a Flat Earther to asserting the mean, old Greeks threw early Christians to the lions, what else is going to come out of that dumb dumb's mouth?

"Meteorites? Ice Age? Maybe the samurai killed off the dinosaurs, I don't know. I don't think about things like that because I'm a mother and mothers are too busy being mothers to wonder about dinosaurs and who killed them."
3(25.0%)
"No, no, it's custard's last stand. Saying it's like custard's last stand is when you really want to stick up for something but you can't because you're soft like pudding. What is Custer? That doesn't mean anything. It wouldn't make sense."
2(16.7%)
"All you ever see about Thanksgiving is turkeys carrying rifles, but we often forget about how the first Thanksgiving happened when George Washington came over on the Mayflower and made himself King of America after he killed all the Indians."
3(25.0%)
"I'll be appearing on Celebrity Jeopardy next week."
4(33.3%)

twicketface -- Which TV judge makes the best holiday cookies?

Judge Judy's Pee on my Leg lemon squares have been reprinted in the Betty Crocker cookbook for three years running.
1(8.3%)
Judge Wapner. Every year he makes 2,484 individually decorated sugar cookies to commemorate each case he tried on The People's Court.
5(41.7%)
Whoever's presiding over Divorce Court these days. If going to work meant listening to shitkickers talk about how dysfunctional their relationships are, you'd spend a lot of time doing traditional homey things too.
2(16.7%)
Paula Abdoul (she's a kind of judge). Everything Paula bakes fills you with a warm, fuzzy feeling. The cookies are pretty good, but it's the love and extra special secret ingredients she puts in there that leave you all gooey inside.
4(33.3%)

htothem -- If you can't make friends with salad, what other activities does salad prohibit?

Diahrrea, for one.
2(16.7%)
You don't get promotions with salad!
2(16.7%)
If you have to say I'm sorry, don't say it with salad. Just. Don't.
3(25.0%)
If timed right, a salad could prevent a third helping of mac & cheese at the Golden Corral.
5(41.7%)

observacious -- Casting of the Speed Racer movie: brilliant, horrifying, or odd?

Jack Shephard as Racer X and John Goodman as Pops is brilliant. This kid totally looks like Spritle. Also: Best use of Christina Ricci and Susan Saranadon's anime eyes evar.
3(25.0%)
The whole idea is kind of horrifying. The only way this movie could be awesome is if they speak in the stilted translation accent, we all know damn well they won't. They may as well call it The Fast and the Furious: Daytime Family Racing.
7(58.3%)
Odd. Why are Racer X and Rex Racer being played by different guys? Will the Wachowskis finagle some christ metaphor for Speed? I like seeing Shaft in movies and all but I don't remember a black guy in the story.
2(16.7%)

subbes -- Winter stress-relief.

On the serious: tanning. Actual lightbulb tanning, not the spray shit. 10 minutes of direct sunlight in a warm, humming cocoon will lift anybody's spirits.
2(16.7%)
Drive around some of the less-affluent neighborhoods nearby and enjoy the free and awesomely campy light show.
4(33.3%)
Turn off the heat and open all the windows in your apartment, put on your fuzziest socks and snuggliest jammies, and wrap yourself up in a pile of blankets while you watch an old movie on TMC.
2(16.7%)
Go to Target or WalMart and observe the even-more-stressed-out housewives and middle aged career moms as they franticly spaz about the store, barking orders into and pounding emails on their Blackberries and think about how much worse it could be.
4(33.3%)

eideteker -- What last minute surprises does 2007 hold for us?

Television producers decide to stop bullshitting around with crybaby writers, and perform an internet-wide search for talented amateurs. Suddenly, late-night talk shows are funny for the first time in, well, ever.
2(16.7%)
A glitch at Amazon.com's warehouses causes all orders placed between 12/19 & 12/21 to be shipped overnight, regardless of the customer's paid shipping method. Customers rave Amazon's service, Amazon disposes of any internal evidence of an error.
1(8.3%)
The American Medical Association issues a refreshingly candid report indicating the cure for Holiday Stress is neither medical or nutritional, but requires everybody stopped being such assholes and cut out all the fabricated bullshit drama.
4(33.3%)
After Britney's new baby bump is revealed to be one of her mother's missing pie tins from Thanksgiving, Sean Preston and Jayden James are found burrowing in the backyard in an attempt to escape momma's next cry for attention.
5(41.7%)

renob423 -- how come there are so many songs about things under bridges, why does nobody write a song about being on top of a bridge? You should have quit here while you were ahead. which bridge would you talkabout in a song? someone wrote all over that store again, was it you or was it "bomber por vida?"

The type of people to write songs about bridges are better off writing them from underneath the bridge than on top of them.
2(16.7%)
Not much happens on top of bridges other than traffic.
4(33.3%)
There have been hundreds of songs written about being on top of bridges but they usually aren't published before they're extracted from the writer's head upon impact.
1(8.3%)
Since London Bridge is one of the first songs we're exposed to during our childhood, it's been permanently ingrained in us that bridges of song will only ever result in a massive urban disaster.
5(41.7%)

coldblackncold -- SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: If The View started doing segments like "Where in the World is Sherri Shepherd?" or "Sherlock Shepherd", or if they installed a Clue Phone on the set, would this be enough to start watching The View?

I'd watch if there were a live, uncensored "Ask Sherri" daily segment.
6(50.0%)
Short of ritual torture, there is no gimmick that could make The View watchable.
6(50.0%)

Every couple of Fridays, our office supply salesman comes by to bullshit with us or something as if our opinion of him or face time is going to influence our demand for file folders and shit. He looks like Guy Smiley and he likes to stare really intently as he makes lameass jokes about the weather or about how big my water thermos is and whether or not they're going to install a toilet in my office because haha I drink so much water. He's here now. What do I do?

Go into one of my buddies' offices and close the door, pretending we're having a serious and sensitive conversation about something.
1(8.3%)
Hold the phone up to my ear so when he pops his head in, I can give him the "hey, nice to see you but I'm on the phone" fingerwave/smile.
4(33.3%)
Challenge him head-on with goddawful smalltalk about traffic and how they finally got the blueprints for my new office toilet.
4(33.3%)
Awkwardly answer his questions with closed-ended responses and smile and nod emphatically while I say I'm doing fine and I'll be sure to let him know next time I need anything while I scream GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT in my head like I do every time.
3(25.0%)

YOUR QUESTION HERE

Tags: friday poll
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