segue -- When's the last time you were spanked on your birthday? In elementary school, there was this librarian, a sweet old Italian lady who on our birthdays would put us over her knee, spank us once for each year old we were and once again for good luck. It was, of course, all in innocent fun. What would be her fate today?
An emergency townhall meeting to discuss what is to be done about the 4' tall octogenarian predator who quietly lurks the elementary school library stacks waiting for the anniversary of her next prey's birth.
Put those reading glasses she wore on a chain around her neck to good work while she writes the requisite letters of apology to every child she abused.
Spend her summers taking minimum of 500 hours of sensitivity, sexual abuse, and proper conduct training.
Pack up her and all of the dozens of frog tchotchkes she had collected and send her ass to jail.
eideteker -- A friend of mine is making six figures. Yet he complains he has no money. Meanwhile, he's engaged to a woman who does nothing but shop on eBay all day using his account. Who do you like in the playoffs?
Her. Any guy who's dumb enough to let someone who's not yet legally tied to his money spend it wantonly isn't going to be smart enough to win this.
Six New York area figures? Let's be reasonable - nobody in or around New York is going to find someone willing to marry them unless those six figures are led by at least a 2 or 3.
She seems to be ahead of the curve on becoming a Real Housewife.
How many old tavern signs and cheap electronics accessories can she buy? At least two of those other figures must be going to someplace equally stupid.
renob423 -- redneck or green? not running the ac all summer
renob423 -- eating off paper plates to save water used in dishwashing
renob423 -- not washing bedsheets unless there is an accident
renob423 -- shooting a deer and eating it
Taking home the deer carcass you hit with your car and eating it
Re-using Cool Whip/sour cream/other tubs
At my party last weekend, I made ashtrays out of used cat food cans that I took the labels off of and put a bit of sand in the bottom.
This weekend, we're going up to the new casino in Bethlehem, PA for my brother's birthday party:
Compared to Atlantic City, there will be less posturing New York guidos and more Pennsylvanian osteoporosis-suffering slot players. This is a trade I can live with.
Expect the usual noodle bar with a dragon-themed name to be replaced with an Amish cafe featuring shoe-fly pie, pretzels and spaetzle.
While other casinos go for themes like Wild West or Hollywood, this one will feature the "Washington Crossing the Delaware" people-mover, The Bethlehem Steel Haunted Factory, and the "Don't get Munsoned" nickel slot pit.
If you really want to gamble, show up in a Cowboys jersey wearing a Mets hat.
Thinking about Real Housewives, and how the show would be more appropriately titled "The Rich Entitled Harpies of Bladdity Blah", what other show should be renamed?
Not Antiques Roadshow featuring Chumlee.
Truck Drivers Not In Actual Danger.
Omigod I Need To Clean My House Right Now.
I Agreed To Smuggle Drugs For a Stranger.