The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight (maeincarnate) wrote,
The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight

My Criminal Past

I went through a petty shoplifting phase during the summers between 6th & 7th grades. Pookie and I lived about a mile from the Cumberland Farms convenience store, so that summer, we'd get up in the morning at whichever house we had slept at, walk to the Cumberland Farms, steal about $10 worth of candy and Hostess, go to the field behind the little 5-store shopping center, eat two or three items apiece, and then throw the rest at birds, squirrels, trees, and each other. Once we took a pack of Bucks cigarettes, a generic brand that wasn't worth the space in the overhead compartment, and smoked it in the same field. That was my very first cigarette. Another time we stole condoms and filled them with Coke and threw them at this guy's front door who we kind of had a crush on. One day, we had made it out of there with our usual stash, then Pookie went back in for another soda or something, and the girl behind the counter said she suspected us and that she wasn't going to turn us in but suggested we be more cautious. Yet another day, we somehow got our hands on piles and piles of 2" x 3" wallpaper samples and got the idea that we'd lick the back of them and cover up the 3 in the Speed Limit 35 sign on Ironia Road so no one would know what the speed limit was.

If one of our parents was around and willing to take us someplace, we often ended up at the strip mall in the next town over. We got up the nerve to start nabbing things other than candy, and actually started getting pretty good at it. I was the cleverest because I would go into the drug store with a pencil sideways in my Capezio purse to make it look like it was full, drop the pencil in the bottom once I got in and then fill my purse with Debbie Gibson makeup in hideous pinks and blues that I would never wear. I stunned myself pushing the envelope by stealing a $5 bottle of Sun-In hair lightening spray. It was the most valuable item I had ever taken. One night, my mom wanted to have girly time with me, so she came up to my room and we were going to give each other makeovers. She asked me how I had gotten enough makeup to fill up two Caboodles full, I just kinda shrugged, and she made me throw it all away. Later that night (or maybe the next day), I was watching the Little Mermaid in the family room pretending like nothing happened, singing along to that song about how strict her parents are, and my mom just kept giving me dirty looks. With the exception of an ashtray from the Ceasar's in Atlantic City, I haven't stolen anything since that summer. And I don't think that ashtray really counts anyway.

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