The obsession hit a new low this weekend when a good friend* gave me a copy of the Playboy featuring photos of Real World and Road Rules cast members Jisela, Beth S., Flora, and Veronica in various states of undress and soapiness. It's one thing to realize that the reason why NY2 Mike's wrestling persona is "the Miz" because the guy's last name is Mizanin. It's entirely another to realize that the barely-recognizable and newly-blonde Jizela seems WAY into the whole thing (and it may explain why she insisted over and over again on the Challenge that Veronica was her "dawg"); that despite Beth S.'s overly manicured Hitler-mustache cootchie, she is in much better shape than she was in 1992; that Flora has a tattoo of a dolphin of all things on her bee-hind; and that Veronica seems to have no problem being rubbed down by another girl with a loofah.
I want more. Nay, I need more.
Maybe this whole thing started the day I touched Seattle David's ass. It was quite by accident at the time: a crowded college eatery, a midgrade celebrity appearance, and an unknowing coed. I had no idea what all the commotion was all about and was just trying to get out of there when I turned to call out to my friend, my hand slipped forward and I looked down to see it flush on a man's butt. I looked down at my hand, he looked down at my hand and we looked at each other. In that split second when he and I locked eyes in a feverish confusion, an exchange was made. And my life has been forever changed.
* friend's name omitted to protect him from the guy whose bathroom he stole the Playboy from.