One morning when it was still evening for me, I heard a rhythmic “thwap” coming from out in the hallway. I had crawled into bed just minutes earlier and a few thwaps later and a look at the clock made me realize…”PAPER!” I sprang out of bed, tossed on my robe and opened the front door. There was my paper, looking the same way it did when I would get it at noon. It was all out of order and kinda fanned out as if someone had already been though it. I had been theorizing that the paper guy was skimming a section or two off of everyone’s paper to make up a few extras, bill them off the book and skim the profit. Perhaps I overestimated the cunning of a paperboy.
He was still in my hallway, only a few doors down. I said to him, “Can I get a complete paper this week?” And he looked stunned and said it’s all there. So, in my robe, half-in and half-out of my door, I re-arranged the paper. Sure enough, it was there but out of order. What a lazy schmuck this guy must be. If you’re going to put it together, put it together right for christ’s sake. Is AJKLDEBookWorldFGB some mnemonic device for you?
This morning, though I had been asleep for hours I heard the thwaps again, and today it didn’t take me long to figure out what it was. I wanted to go get the paper before anyone else got it but I was worried that I would look like some freak coming out and getting it as soon as he dropped it. When I was picking it up, he heard me open my door and looked at me. I said something completely dumb and un-witty like “Oh! (uncomfortable laugh) I hear you every week now!” And he stared at me with the “crazy bitch” look on his face. He had every right to.