June 13th, 2001

JOY

Like forces repulse

Last night I was acted upon in a way that I would more than likely act upon others. At first I was shocked and repulsed, but then suddenly I realized that the offense was something I have done and would do again to someone else, and I was at once filled with pride and accomplishment. People are starting to think like me.

I was first in the pack getting ready to board the train and as usual, some woman was trying to slip around me and get in first because she is the most important person in the world and the rules don't apply to her. I take great pleasure in events such as this, because I am able to turn my life into a video game in which I get points for thwarting the efforts of others to keep me down. However, I committed a fault this time. While preventing her from getting on before me, I entered the train before those who were leaving were able to get off. One of the exiting passengers heads straight for me, shoving me aside with her shoulder and saying sternly "let us exit first."

After the initial shock, I realized that my anger stemmed from the fact that she beat me at my own game, and well. I was proud to know that there are another players, and I can respect a well-deserved victory.

My experience this morning was quite the opposite. I managed to be sardined next to two good old boys who were drawling on about how they reckon they gonna get to Metro Center. There was a young one who looked like he had some sense of style but had a few of those redneck signifiers that just make it look slightly off (like looking at one side of a room through a reflection in a mirror. It's right for the most part, but just a little backwards): the light, barely visible redneck mustache, a curly semi-mullet, and a too big gold necklace. He was with an older, barrel-chested man who I am confident has been called "Big Daddy" more than once in his life.

After the jerking of the train slammed me against Big Daddy a few times, I carefully crafted my wonderful put-down that would surely make them think before they crossed me again, knowing full well that I would never say it out loud. It went as such:

Lemme ask you two hayseeds a question. Let's say that on your way to the cotton farm or the tobaccy farm one morning, you find me sitting in your pickup truck. Would it bother you that your truck is so full that it's uncomfortable to get to work? Think about that next time before you get on a train in the big shiny city during rush hour.

I think my goal today is to get as caffieneated as possible as quickly as possible. Seeing as I don't have the balls to yell at strangers, I have to do something to spice up the day.