July 9th, 2001

JOY

Delayed Reaction Advertising

Listen up, television viewers. Gotta question for you. Have any of you seen the latest M&M commercials featuring the green M&M chick with the go-go boots and Audrey Hepburn elbow-length gloves? The new tag line is “what is it about the green ones?” implying that there is some unavoidable attraction to the green M&M’s that can translate to candy sex-appeal.

What is it about the green ones? I’ll tell you.

Put yourself back about 15 years. You were probably watching Saturday morning cartoons. I don’t care what your network was (I was a CBS kid-that channel didn’t move in my house from 8am until noon), you were there. And there was an M&Ms commercial on about that time that had two boys playing baseball. One of them, the star of the team, had discovered a coorelation between the M&Ms he ate and the way he would hit, as if there were steroids in the candy coating that keeps them from melting in our hands.

“First base with the brown ones; double with the yellow; orange, triple. And with the green ones, I hit the ball down-town.”

We have been programmed to think that green M&M’s will get us homers. And if you were watching cartoons as a child on Saturday mornings, you were probably also aware of the baseball analogy for making out and sex. What did a home run get you? That’s right. Green M&Ms get you laid.
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