December 12th, 2001


And now what you've all been waiting for...Full Frontal Nudity!

Wow. I really didn’t expect the reaction to the Santa story that it got. Honestly, I look back on it and see the humor in it, in that twisted funny kind of way. But since I can’t bear the thought of Carla crying, and you asked for it: The Streaking Story.

As I mentioned, I was a difficult child. Mostly in that my parents had trouble keeping me with them when we’d go out; I’d always walk away from them and go talk with other families. My mom says that the worst part was that I’d look so natural and comfortable talking to them that I was hard to spot. She also said that had they been invented in time, one of those kid-leashes would be strapped on me so fast it would make my head spin. The other important background tidbit is that I learned to talk very early and was speaking in complete sentences shortly thereafter. Mom tells me that if I was in the living room watching TV, I’d have one ear on the TV and the other ear on her conversation, and would often supply words she was looking for (ya know…whatddyacallit…), or she’d be able to tell me a grocery list and then take me to the supermarket where I’d recite it. Okay, so that has nothing to do with the story. Basically, what I’m trying to set up is that if I was left on my own and quiet for more than ten minutes, something was going on.

My mother was teaching a CCD class, which is kind of like a combination Bible Study/Class to teach children how to be Catholic to about a dozen fifth grade boys. I was around four and had been going through a karate phase. I’d wear my brother’s bathrobe and my father’s tennis headband and do karate chops and kicks around the house (I used to also put a dishtowel in the collar of my pajama shirt, tuck the shirt into my underpants and jump off the couch pretending to be Robin. But that too has nothing to do with this). Mom says that she was teaching the class and I was in the living room watching TV. She hadn’t heard a peep out of me in a while and told me later that her first thought was how good I was being.

About ten minutes later, I came into the kitchen wrapped in an afghan. I walked right into the middle of the room, stood, waited for them to stop talking and give me their full attain. Then, I simultaneously exclaimed “HA!”, threw my best karate chop and dropped the afghan to the floor, revealing my four-year-old naked self to a room full of fifth graders, and ran up to my bedroom giggling with delight.

Mom says that she had to cut the class short that day since there was no getting back on track after something like that. She admits that she too was laughing so hard that there wasn’t any more teaching getting done. That’ll teach them to ignore me.

Some Dumb Stuff I've Done in the Past Four Days

  • 5 seconds ago: bit the same place on my lip while eating an apple that I bit yesterday and the day before.

  • Last Night: dripped salsa from chip to shirt in three separate places.

  • Last Night: tried to give the cashier at Giant an extra penny in order to get even silver change for a purchase of $9.09.

  • Monday Night: did laundry, washing the pack of socks I bought at price club for the first time before wearing them. Noticed only *after* I removed the socks from the dryer that the socks had been bundled with a little plastic thingy in groups of six. Spread wet socks across the bars of my Chuck Norris Gym to dry.

  • Sunday Night: forgot newly purchased paper towels in the shopping cart at the supermarket parking lot.
  • Current Mood


I just got back from buying my Christmas "Tree". It's basically a Blue Spruce branch in a pot, but it's cute and smells good and it's going to look cuter with little ornaments on it. My other hope is that since it's in a pot, if I can keep it alive, it will be in my house all year and may be able to get dressed up again next year.

But for now I'm going to take it home and put a blanket around its bottom. I believe I shall call him Snoopy.
  • Current Mood
    cheerful cheerful