December 18th, 2001

amsterdam

We're Going to have to Amputate!

I have too many toes. That’s got to be the problem. Ever since I wore fancypants shoes to the non-denominational-holiday-event for work, my baby toes have felt funny. Numb. I wouldn’t put it past myself to have stubbed them or stepped on them wrong, as I did imbibe my fair share of red wine that night. But my memory is long, and I do not remember hurting myself.

I normally do not like to discuss my feet. They are certainly on my top 5 most hated bodily features on myself or anyone else. But the tingly sensation in my pinkytoes is making discussion inevitable. I cannot avoid it. My feet are oddly shaped in the first place, aside from their otherworldly size: flat as boards and they curve inward so as to make me slightly pidgeon-toed. Therefore, shoes don’t always fit me right, I can’t do high heels worth a damn, and any shoe, particularly a sneaker, worn by me for more than a month has the same diagonal heel-erosion that can be made by no other feet than mine.

But I just can’t seem to get my finger (or toe) on this one. It feels like they’re asleep. Like I’ve been dangling my feet off of something for too long and there’s no blood in there. I’ve tried several pairs of shoes since Friday, and they feel weird even barefoot. Right now I’m walking around with one boot untied in order to give the toe a little more room and it seems to make the numbness less noticeable while walking, but no different when sitting down. I wonder if it would throw my balance off too much to cut them off.
  • Current Mood
    numb numb