January 29th, 2002


FWD: Beautiful Woman

My mother’s friend got a hold of my email address and sends me forwards about fifteen times a day. I was talking it over with my brother and he suggested that older people, as in those who were not raised with computers, are on a dog-year development schedule: one year of growth for us takes seven for them. When I first was on email, I passed along forwards. Then it got a little old. Then they got fewer and fewer. Now I’d say it’s a rare day that a forward is worth passing along. I have not sent out forwards with this frequency since 1995.

The second problem I have with this, after the sheer volume of emails, is the subject of these emails. Example, this morning’s first email:

> Did you know that it's Beautiful Women Month?
> Well, it is and that means you and me. I'm supposed to send this to
> FIVE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, and you are one of them!!!
> Facts on Figures;
> There are 3 billion women who don't look like supermodels and
> only eight who do.
> Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14.
> If Barbie was a real woman, she'd have to walk on all fours due
> to her proportions.
> The average woman weighs 144 lb. and wears between a 12-14.
> One out of every four college aged women has an eating disorder.
> The models in the magazines are airbrushed -- not perfect!
> A psychological study in 1995 found that three minutes spent looking at a fashion
> magazine caused 70% of women to feel depressed, guilty, and shameful.

And so on and so forth until you get to the end where it says:

> ***Please send this to at least five phenomenal women today in
> celebration of Women's History Month.
> If you do, something good will happen.... YOU will boost another
> woman's self-esteem!

Another standard issue email has something to do with God and Adam talking about the creation of Eve and how stunned Adam is at how strong and mystical Eve is, how it takes women longer to shop than it does men, or something about a princess choosing not to kiss a frog because she’s too independent to need a prince. They embarrass me for my gender.

As if forwarded quasi feminism isn’t bothersome enough, the other main subject of the emails is sex. Penis size, sexual frequency, Viagra substitutes, premature ejaculation jokes, you name it. These jokes are usually pretty bad, we’ve all heard them. The problem, aside from actually receiving these emails, is that they come from my MOTHER’S FRIEND, who for all intensive purposes, might as well be my MOTHER. I don’t want to hear sex jokes from my mother, her friends, her neighbors...anyone who has anything to do with my mother and sex do not go hand in hand.

Hopefully, within the next few years, she’ll have read and sent along all of the forwards that exist and I will be free. Until then, I know a strong woman out there wants me to have high self-esteem.
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Alright, America. Inspire Me.

On the drive home tonight, traffic was stopped at the intersection of 14th and Constitution in order to let the Presidential Cavalcade by.

After it passed, I drove up 14th and looked to my left to see a clouded full moon perched above the Capitol.

For all of it's faults, this city can be damn impressive.

Pop Culture Whore Stock Report

Analysts have been stunned this week by the sudden spike in Sebastian Bach stock (PCW symbol: SBch) since the premere of his show Forever Wild.

Whether or not these trends will outlast the bullish popular culture market--speculations vary.

In other news, holdings in Insomniac with Dave Attel (PCW: IDA) remain strong, with a sharp increase expected after tomorrow night's episode.

The outlook for the Super Bowl Sunday commercials look promising for Britney Spears (PCW: Brit) shareholders. One analyst has been quoted saying, "the 50's themed Pepsi commercial is going to be money."