February 4th, 2002


Believe it or not, I am not omnipotent.

Just because I share an office with someone, I am not aware of their exact whereabouts every minute of the day. She does not alert me exactly where she is going whenever she walks out of the room. She may be in the bathroom. She may be at lunch. Maybe she's talking to someone. I'm not sure.

I will not be offended if you don't talk to me when you walk into my office looking for her and happen to make eye contact with me. I understand that she outranks me and that most people come in to see her not me. I don't mind you just say something, but don't ask me questions about where she is. See above. You have just as good a vantage point of her desk as I do. If you can't see her there, I can't see her there, and she's probably not there. You don't have to ask me if she's there. You also do not have to walk into the center of the room and look at her empty desk and chair from the other side to make sure she's not there. If you can't see her from the front of her desk, you won't be able to see her from the back of it.

Sometimes, people will not ask me where she is but acknowledge her abscence and then look at me expectedly as if I am supposed to fill in the blank. This morning, she has yet to come in. Her boss came in, looked at her desk, cocked his head and furrowed his brow, looked at me, looked at the desk and said "No Officemate today?" I don't know. Maybe she's late. Maybe you need to check your voicemail to see if she called in.

Work hatred is coming on strong. Tuesday is going to suck a lot.

This is my dancing space.

When I very clearly and professionally state something, I'm treated like a bitch.

When Coworker A comes in, kneels right next to my chair in order to hang over my shoulder and show me something on my desk, I get agitated. You are too close to me. I have told you this previously. When you say to me, "why do you seem so edgy today? do you need a drink?" and I say, "no. But honestly right now you are too close to me and it is setting me on edge." I expect an apology. Not "huh-well! I wouldn't want to invade your personal space."

Try a little Levity

I have been meaning to post this since Saturday afternoon and I figure after those two bitchy-assed posts, it's about time.

When you walk into the gym I go to, you have to scan your membership card in front of this little lens, kind of like at the supermarket checkout. There is a sign next to the lens that clearly says: HOLD CARDS 3 INCHES AWAY FROM SCANNER.

On Saturday, I was waiting to scan my card behind this guy who was waving his frantically just a breath away from the lens and started whining to the attendant girl "It's not working." The girl looks up and says that he's holding the card too close to the scanner. "But it says 3 inches awayyuh." Yeah, she replies. You're holding it too close. So he looks at her skeptically and slowly creeps the card backwards. When it was about 3 inches back, voila! It worked.

I couldn't help myself. When I went up to scan my card 3 inches from the lens, I said to the girl, "I worry about a man who thinks that's how long three inches is."