February 28th, 2002


Stupid World, BE MORE FUNNY

Christ, it's like a big wet Leno-blanket has been thrown on top of the entire globe. Nothing even remotely amusing has been going on, and I find myself not caring enough about my job to get pissed at people getting in my way while I'm going to work. Even that stupid bitch who stood at the bottom of a moving escalator that I crashed into just as the doors to the train were closing. That bothered me far less than it normally would have. I worry that if I become less harsh of a vigilante common-sense enforcer on the trains that the whole place will run amok. Like that Malcolm in the Middle when Reese started to be a nice guy and suddenly everything went to hell. These people need me.

The big thing on my mind is my Hawaii trip, now only 13 days away. I have so much stuff to do before I get ready, and even though it's not far, it feels on some level like the trip isn't coming for months. I need to get a bathing suit still, I have to pack, clean my apartment from top to bottom (as my mother will be spending one of the weekends I'm gone in it), get in a few sessions of heliotherapy so I don't burn when I arrive, get a haircut, get in touch with the shuttle people so I can get to the airport, make sure any bills that are due during that two weeks are paid before I leave, and whatever else I haven't thought of yet.

I'm throwing an idea around in my head about how Blazing Saddles is the most genuine tale of tolerance ever committed to film. Stay tuned for that one.
  • Current Mood
    content content

Yuk, yuk, yuk

I'm stooping to Catskills-caliber comedy:

Bank Teller: Twenty-five dollars. Is a twenty and a five okay?

Me: Actually, can you give me a bunch of fives?

Band Teller: Sure

Me: Yeah. Five fives. I'd prefer seven or eight, but five is fine.

Bank Teller: blank stare

Me: Little banking houmor for ya today...

Bank Teller: forced smile

Me: uh...sorry.
  • Current Mood
    dorky dorky


I figured it out! Just now, while I was reading the recap of the horribly unfunny exchange I just had with the bank teller why things are just a little less witty lately.

Emil, as many of us know and love as the best goddamn bartender in DC, told me once of his theory about snappy comebacks and witty retorts. He had come to the conclusion that everyone has a finite number of funny or smart things to say in a given month, and that if you use them all up, you're left with nothing but dumb trite things to say until the first rolls around again.

Today is February 28. Just 7 1/2 more hours until I'm clever again.
  • Current Mood
    optimistic optimistic


I thought Oldsmobile went out of business. Why are they plugging new ones?
  • Current Mood
    For god's sake. You know.