March 5th, 2002


Fantasy Update

As I'm sure all of you have been tossing and turning at night wondering how my MTV Fantasy Real World/Road Rules Challenge team is doing, I'll give you a bit of an update here.

Last night fucked me big time. In an odd twist of fate, they voted off two sets of pairs last night as opposed to the usual one, and I lost a grand total of three players from my team. I have only three trades left, so after I pull in replacements for these people, I better pray I picked some good ponies or I'm screwed. So far I'm in like the 90th percentile of high scorers (so I get an A), but if I don't play this trade right, there is a chance I might not win a new Saturn. Fortunately, last nights "scenes from next week" show one of my teammates hooking up with a chick, and another one barfing her brains out. I have a feeling there won't be any voteoffs next week.

My VCR will be rolling tonight at 10:30 as promised.
  • Current Mood
    accomplished accomplished

I hate you John Basedow.

Today’s Question of the Day has put me in a tidy little spitfire mood. I spent a good three minutes thinking of ten things I hate about the entire state of Maryland, and the activity has put some other things fresh in the forefront of my mind that I hate. Considering that my boss just stepped out for a trip to Banana Republic, I think I have some time here.

All my life, I have had a nemesis. It changes from time to time, starting with that enormous bitch who practically strangled me to death in the girls bathroom in second grade, to the High School Class President who I hated because he was such a plastic backstabbing twofaced fake asswipe and I could see this but everybody else thought he was such a swell guy they kissed his ass all the time.

This list does not particularly reflect well upon me, as my reasons are vindictive and spiteful. However, my latest and probably greatest nemesis is John Basedow. If you have cable, you probably know who I’m talking about. If you don’t, your life remains pure. I am envious.

John Basedow is a renowned fitness model who, out of his own home and with his cheapass Handycam, has made a workout video and hocks it on cable. Fitness Made Simple has won the highest rating that some muscle magazine will give out, and with the help of his AM and PM workouts, you can tone your back, shoulders, biceps, triceps, and even abs. Basedow and his circa 1986 butt-cut hairdo can be found on one or more cable channels at any time of day. Trust me, I have nothing against fitness. I have a whole lot against John Basedow.

I would like to watch television for one day without having to see him or his $1.50 budgeted commercials, particularly the “Fall Into Fitness” commercial that’s been running since January that features someone dropping some leaves in front of a gray sheet. I do not want to see close-ups of his veiny arms. I do not want to see his butt-cut and his Ray Bans posing on a beach. Like a poltergeist, he makes me afraid to turn on my television. He robs me of one of the joys of my life.

And for that, I hate you, John Basedow.
  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated

I hate you AOL

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    frustrated frustrated