January 14th, 2003

JOY

This is what I get for being nice

Last night, within minutes of walking through my door, I receive a call from a heavily-twanged telemarketer working for the Fraternal Order of State Troopers Associations or whatever.

Him: Good Evenin', may I speak to Mrs. Spy-lag-nee please?
Me: Wow, that is the worst one I've ever heard.
Him: oh. Um, Ma'am, I'm callin on behalf of the Fraternal Order of State Troopers Association. We support police officers for stuff and whatever and we're the ones who give toys to kids at Christmas.
Me: aaw, that's sweet. However, last time you guys called, I said no and I'm going to have to say no again.
Him: I understand, but I'm sure you support--
Me: No, thank you. I'm not going to be able to support anyone right now.
Him: Well, then can we send you a sticker that you can crap up your car?
Me: You can save it and send it to someone else. I won't be putting it on my car anyway. Thank you again.
Him: It's no charge, I'd like to send you the sticker--
Me: No thank you. Please. I'm trying to be nice to you rather than hang up on you. Will you give me that opportunity?
Him: Ma'am, we'd like to send you the sticker so you can show--
Me: Please, I'm trying to say no politely. You're making it difficult for me to be nice to you. I'm not giving you money and I don't want your sticker.
Him: Well, I'll just call you back then.
Me: Please d-- *click*

Fuckstick.

Granted, some of the things I put here are what it sounded to me like what he was saying. I have a history of misunderstanding southern accents, but then again, it could be what I was interpreting. But that's really how he pronounced my name.
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Snoop

I'm Sorry Ms. Jackson

But dropping your last name hasn't made us forget where, and more specifically who, you came from. We remember that you were Willis's girlfriend, the dreamy-eyed little girl on that show with the fat woman, we remember that "outfit" you wore for your Rhythm Nation phase, and most importantly, we all know you're the sister of a gaggle of cookynutzos. by your first name won't make us forget. There is no piercing, no ab routine, no new nose that will make us lose sight of that either.

I am for real.