July 9th, 2003

Do you have any oleo?

The Bad Side of Summer Fun

I live in a world filled with paranoiac fear that I am going to run out of shampoo or soap or shaving cream at some inopportune time. I am almost physically incapable of finishing off a hygiene product without knowing that I have another waiting for me to open, and once I open that new one, I make good and sure that I have a fresh bottle waiting for when *that* bottle nears 1/4 tank. In college, I had an under-bed storage container filled with backup toiletries. Nowadays, my complex consumes two entire shelves of my linen closet. I even still have saved the pouches of trial size shampoos and face washes that came with those "welcome to the dorm" goodie bags or in the mail. Hotel stuff? Fageddaboudit. Just in case I ever *do* run out of things I'll have even more backup. Then again, I often think about how ridiculous it is to keep all of these trial sizes of things around when I know good and well I can't allow a bottle of shampoo get close to empty without buying a new one, so when would I be able to use this stuff?

This philosophy was magically transferred when it came time to buy a new water mug for work. Some time ago, I retired my Burrito Brothers Mug. Like Burrito Brothers, I loved it dearly and it served me well. But before I hung up the Burrito Brothers Mug for good, I had to be sure I had a new mug ready to replace it. The weekend before I made the decision, my family and I were at Wal-Mart looking at the seasonal goodies. My brother was singing the praises of his new thermal-insulated mug with removable straw and flip-up drinking side. It was huge. 64 icy delicious ounces; one filling would make my 8 required glasses of water a day. It dwarfed the Burrito Brothers Mug. Mom flew into a panic that it was going to be so big that once I filled it I wouldn't be able to lift it, but I managed to calm her down about it well enough that she shelled out the $4.95 for the bad boy. Gamer was pushing for the one with the slick Coca-Cola logo on it, but I opted for the absurd: neon green with a beach scene and the words SUMMER FUN splashed jauntily across a beach ball. Disco.

I brought the mug into work and have been using it ever since. One of the reasons I told my mom I wasn't worried about lifting it is because it's big enough for me to rest my chin on and just sip as I work. I love it dearly. There's one problem, though.

It brings out the comedian in EVERYBODY. If anyone was ever short on material, buy a giant insulated mug. I swear.

"whoa! yuk, yuk, yuk! that's a huge mug!"

"huhhuhuh, you could have a lot of fun with that on the beach! Just, I mean, if you fill it up with something other then water!"


"wow, you must get really thirsty!"

"man, I'd be going to the bathroom all the time if I had one of those!"
probably so, yeah.

"how could ANYONE drink that much water!"
you're supposed to. Look into it.

"I mean, wow! That thing is huge!"

And it goes on and on and on. Come on, people. It's a mug. It's big. Its size keeps me from having to come in the kitchen a to exchange hilarities with you as often. That's it.
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