August 14th, 2003


And there was a monkey in the movie which is always good.

I was never one for having posters of guys in my room. Sure I had my Teen Magazine and whatnot, and was more interested in the issues with pics of Wil Wheaton or River Phoenix in them, but I never taped them all over my walls or anything like that. I didn't see the point. Why would I sit there and stare and sigh over a picture of some guy I'm never going to meet? I'm never going to talk to him, he's never going to talk to me, and even if he did, he's some huge movie star that wouldn't bother with me anyway, so why am I going to waste my time and wallspace on him?

My friend Lisa had an unhealthy obsession with most of the New Kids on the Block. She re-papered her walls with cutouts of Jordan, Joey, Jon, and sometimes even Donnie (we all know no matter how obsessed with NKOTB anyone was, there were no pictures of Danny being taped anywhere. That guy looked like a horse). She'd write shit like "I ♥ Jordan" all over her book covers and go on and on about how gorgeous they all were. When WPLJ was doing this thing where the school who sent the most 3x5 index cards into the studio would get the grand prize: a New Kids performance at your school auditorium. She made me write out cards with her when I came over to her house one day. I noticed that her J's were funny looking in that sixth-grade make-my-handwriting-interesting kind of way, and warned her that if they couldn't tell that she was writing WPLJ and not some other letter, her cards may be disqualified. She went back and put top lines on all her J's just to make sure.

At Lisa's birthday party that year, someone gave her a door-sized poster of Jon Bon Jovi, circa the New Jersey album. Everybody oohed and aahed and squealed about how hot he is. After watching a movie and the requisite makeup application, somebody got the genius idea to take pictures of us posing next to the poster making sex faces and rubbing Jon's acid-washed image. I dismissed this idea as ridiculous immediately, and refused to partake; but in the end, I was overruled by the writ of Everyone Else Did It.

So I posed. First picture was of me grinning with a pillow over Jon's face, second was of Pookie pushing me onto the poster while I tried to wince away from it. I still have the pictures. It's funny how you did some of those sixth grade stupid things without even thinking about how dumb they were, but others you knew right away. I wish I had such prescience during some of the nights we spent at diners in high school.

Mickey and I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean last night. I have been looking forward to this one for months and I'm happy we waited a few weeks after its release and went on a Wednesday night to see it. The crowd was better behaved than most of the movies that the public has ruined for me over the past year or so, and I enjoyed every second of it. I have spend all morning looking up reviews and relishing in how much fun I had watching it.

But something else has happened. Something I didn't expect. I have appreciated Orlando Bloom since Lord of the Rings. Fine specimen of eye candy, that Orlando.

But last night was different. My appreciation for Mr. Bloom has changed. He's gone from a Teen Magazine Wil Wheaton to a full-on Lisa Slumber Party Jon Bon Jovi.

I understand now.

I mean, look at this. It's unreal. How? How does this happen? How could something so beautiful just naturally come to be? It nearly brings a tear to my eye. This is what Michaelangelo was going for with that David character. It doesn't make any sense. Jesus God.
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