November 17th, 2003


It's Hysteria!

A few weeks ago, at our Annual Conference, I witnessed three of my female co-workers admonish our only under 45-year-old male co-worker for being a "misogynist". The young man strayed from favor when he make up two lists of local attractions for our conference attendees to check out when not scheduled for the conference: one of the lists included which bars one could find a football game on; the other featured the National Museum of Women in the Arts.

The ladies' syntactical error aside, I giggled quietly to myself mere hour later when these same women were cursing this young man's name because he was not nearby to pick up and move the heavy printer for them. Damned "misogynists". They're never around when there's heavy lifting to do.

Chuckle as I may, I accept that all women have a twinge of this brand of shortsighted NOWesqe "feminist" in them. While I normally find it easy to ignore, I relish in my occasional NOWishness, as it allows me to come up with absurd theories and embellish upon them for my enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who will listen. Take, for example, this little ditty that occurred to me on Friday when our office manager commented that my fingers were literally blue.

The Climactic Warfare that rages in the American Workplace has one target: women. Day in and day out, women adhering to the androcentric guidelines of "business dress" find themselves adding to a list of maladies ranging from general discomfort to chronic foot problems.

Women face a new danger in today's corporate culture: hypothermia.

Sixty-degree offices in the winter; sixty-degree offices in the summer. The temperature of the modern office is
suited to the needs of men. While the average woman's standard business outfit is comprised of dress shoes, stockings, a gossamer skirt and light blouse, the temperature in our cubicles remains dangerously low. Why, then, are American women subjected to such abuse?

Socks. Long pants. Undershirt. Outer shirt. Jacket. And top it off with a nice binding piece of cloth that prevents any body heat from escaping through the neck.

The women of the American Workplace suffer because the men are uncomfortable. And when the women of the American Workplace complain, we are treated like Victorian sitting-room ornaments; clearly, our uteruses have disrupted the path of senses to the brain. We're out of our minds! It's roasting in here!

Some suggest that it be colder in the office, as cold women can always wear a sweater or their coat or a scarf in the office, while the men can not disrobe any further. Since the early-1980's, women have been walking to work wearing the shoes in which they are comfortable outdoors, and carrying their work shoes in a bag to change into once at the office. If business women can carry a change of attire to work with them for 20 years, men can start today!

Insist on casual work dress codes!
Sabotage your office's thermostat!
Be relentless in your complaints!

Your health depends on it!
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