May 18th, 2005


Thyroid Surgery Update:

Tomorrow will be the one monthaversary of my surgery. Coincidentally, today's little victory is that this is the first day I've been back to work without a scarf - my necklace is providing sufficient scar coverage. The crowd loves me in the scarves though, so I don't think I'll be phasing them out completely.

I have been on thyroid replacement hormones for three weeks now. In comparison to how I feel now versus how I felt a month ago, forgive the cheeze, but it feels like I've come out of a cave. I feel a thousand times better. I'm not obsessing about as much. My appetite (both physical and mental cravings) is down. My workouts have been so much more intense and I can get so much more out of them. I am not getting as upset about things, and when I do get upset, I can calm down faster. I was so exhausted all the time and now I'm putting myself to bed over an hour later than I had been.

And on top of all of that, without any real concentrated effort on my part, I've lost 5lb. It's not a lot in the grand scheme of things, but it's enough to give me that encouragement that after working so hard and freaking out about it and seeing nothing that it's gonna come together and work. But that aside, I'm shocked at how much calmer I am, and I'm almost weepy at how good I feel. I had been crying daily about how hopeless and overwhelmed I felt. I'm misting up as I type this because I can't believe how much better I feel.

I feel so vilified. I want to walk up to all those doctors who treated me like some excuse-searching hypochondriac for suggesting that this was a problem for me and rub it in their faces. I feel so relieved and giddy with excitement.

Then again, it could be a placebo effect, it could be that the surgery was weighing on my mind more than I realized. Whatever it is, I don't care. Things are looking up.
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