June 7th, 2005


Righting Wrongs - Guerrilla Style.

There has been one shining nugget of joy in my otherwise crappily-starting day.

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All of this bullcrap, however, did not pile up high enough to surmount the unique bliss that comes from a quick game of Urban Commando. Yes folks, the Justice Guerrilla struck again this morning.

Whenever I have a choice of open seats, I always choose the one where the schmo next to it has their leg/bag/"oops someone left this copy of the Fake Paper here" in the empty seat next to them, indicating to the world that they either would prefer to or somehow think they deserve to sit alone on the bench.

As the bus jerked forward I surveyed my position: about five or so seats scattered about the bus. Right by the back door was one next to a woman that I would have chosen anyway, but oh the glee that washed over me as I saw her bag draped across the open seat. I made a grand gesture of taking my bags off my shoulder, slowly turned around, stood in front of the seat situating myself to sit down. I assume in total I gave her twenty seconds to keep her bag from getting ass all over it, but it was not enough. She didn't budge.

I didn't necessarily plop down on the seat--it was more of a place-and-slide--and while I made sure I didn't sit on it so hard it would hurt me if there was something pointy in there, I sat on her bag.

Over my iPod I heard her squeal "OH! I had a banana in there!" I did my best puzzled look and she went on, pulling the banana out of her bag to examine it "oohwuh, you couldda said somethinguh," and then she said a few more things that I couldn't make out over my music. "Hey," I shrugged, "I didn't realize your banana got its own seat."

Has Banana Lady learned a lesson today? Possibly. Is she telling the flipside of this story to someone in her office break room today? Definitely. Will she be a little more vigilant over her banana-placement in the future? As long as I comb the city, seeking out the rude and striking with a stealthy counterbalance, let's sure hope she does. Not that I have anything against bananas.