July 27th, 2005

JOY

Sweat and Virgins

People who spend money on schmancy lotions that make your skin shiny are fools. Take public transportation during the summer in a city built on a swamp, and within 2 blocks, your skin will be glistening. I just saved a bunch of money on body lotion by switching to Metro!


Also, what the hell kind of reward is spending eternity with 80 or howevermany virgins? The last thing I want to have to be doing in the afterlife is teach someone what to do in bed. A real reward would be 80 of the most skilled sexual artisans time has ever seen to pander to every one your earthly needs. You could spend your life looking for one of those people and never meet them, and even to no fault of your own. What if you get born during a time when the only real sexual master on earth lives in some remote corner of the world you've never heard of. Or like got married really young and is totally faithful to their spouse who will be the only recipient of the world's best sex for that time? We could be living in a dark period where no true sexual chapmion will be born for another 30 years! Christ. Almost sounds appealing at this point.

Of all time though. I wonder if anyone famous is on the list. Rasputin, of course...but who else?