August 17th, 2005

Mej Fan Club

Kill Reality? Just kill Johnny Fairplay and we'll call it even.

I started Tivoing Kill Reality, ironically enough on the recommendation of someone who has mocked me mercilessly for being a reality fan. I'm not sure how this one slipped under my radar so long, but then again, not being subjected to TV commercials, I got more useful programming advice from one NYC taxi ad than I have from most other media in months.

For as much as I love Reality TV, I'm sad to admit I'm a poser. A one-trick-pony. I'm like someone who says they love punk music but has only ever listened to Never Mind the Bullocks. Granted, I know it back and forth inside and out, but before I dabbled in The Amazing Race, I was Real World and only Real World. Which presents a bit of a problem when watching Kill Reality. Sure I know Tonya and Trishelle and even the dead-eyed Steven, but the Amazing Race reruns on GSN haven't caught up to Reichen's season yet, I have no idea what Paradise Hotel was about, let alone who this Toni chick is, and I've heard of Bachelor Bob, but I didn't realize he'd be so...human. Donkey-bray laugh and all.

But the one that's really confusing me, based on the two episodes I've seen, is Johnny Fairplay. I didn't realize it was possible to have a poor-man's version of Puck, but it seems this guy's done it. Whether he's pulled it off or not, I haven't decided. But he's got two good looking (albeit hardly mentally stable) chicks fawning over him, he tries to do the punk'd thing by putting a very unconvincing dollop of hand cream in a condom under some chick's pillow, then takes it from "har har ya almost got me there with that Strawberry Ice-scented semen" to "wtf is wrong with you" by leaving an upper decker for somebody. And he seals it all off with the hang loose hands and a pathetic "you got FAIRPLAYED."

So I ask of you, the Survivor-watching readership, What's the deal with Johnny Fairplay?

Better yet, let's make it a poll:

Poll #553712 Johnny Fairplay, What's With the Pants?

Johnny Fairplay:

I have no idea.
You've nailed it, Mej.
Watch a few more episodes, he'll grow on you. And I don't mean like that shameless attempt at a beard.