September 1st, 2005


You want hip? You got it.

Hey hello there Gangster Youths an Be-ponytailed Rock-n-Rollers! Today we are going to talk about what is hip and happening in the world of auditory entertainment! Unlike my predecessor, who wantonly spewed contentless bursts of MTV-induced glossolalia, I, Soarjubs, truly have my exo-armored claw-glove fingers on the pulse of today's most radical music!

Let us take a look at what brand new tapes are rocking in King Soarjubs' ghetto blaster.

M.C. Hammer "Please, M.C. Hammer Don't Hurt Them"
Boy, all I can say is that this gentleman is truly on the cutting edge of what will be fashion and dancing trends for the future! With his "fresh" rhymes, original tracks such as "You Can't Touch This", and very excellent baggy pants, this album is surely a rap album to top all others today.
If you haven't heard this album and you enjoy the raucus, street-infused "dangerous" styles of rap this is the album for you. Get on this bandwagon soon, because (you heard it here first), Soarjubs thinks this "Emcee" is here to stay!

Vanilla Ice "To An Extreme"
Another cutting edge rap fiesta of whores and punching others, this album comes with a twist.
I believe the gentleman is white! Yes, white! This would normally mean he was incapable of truly expressing his rap gland. In this case, his rap gland is more full than a hobo at a wine buffet. Like, M.C. Hammer, Mr. Ice has experienced the true nature of America's sinister street-life. His beats are "dope" and the track "Ice Baby" has a really inspiring bass-line. Kudos to Mr. Ice on this unique, moving piece that really shows us the downside of being "cool". I look forward to seeing what Vanilla can do in the years to come.

Milli Vanilla "Girls, You Know It's True"
Let's get away from the hard-edged, violent avenue of rap rhymes and move into the pelvis-engaging world of popular rock. Do I even have to talk about their music? Look at them. These are the fashion vanguard. Imagine if you will, a long-haired, dun-skinned, cassanova capable of belting forth the undeniable truths of the human heart. Now, split that man in two and watch each half regenerate their missing halves. When they are fully formed, throw bandannas or funny hats on them, and watch the fireworks. Only men as beautiful as this could have the voices of afro-love-angels necessary to sing "I am going to miss you". Check them out!

Warrant Cherry "Pie"
Now here is a rock and rolling album that will tear your jeans in even more places than they were already torn when you bought them. Warrant Cherry's debut album "Pie" is a masterpiece of guitar riffs and groin-charged innuendo that will give even a dead man an erection. I haven't really heard much off this, but I can tell from the cover and the strategically placed pie that the long-haired gentlemen of Warrant Cherry have truly tapped the "main vein" of rock and roll. If this is "Pie", I'm having seconds!

So. There you have it. This is my gift to you, the regular readers of maeincarnate's journal, so that you can really get in touch with the next big thing. When your friends drive by you and hear these gnarly tunes, don't forget to tell them you heard it here first!