I'm back, safe and sound. Some quick items for you kids:
We didn't get to Mexico. Halfway through day 2, an unfortunately intoxicated soul took a swan dive in the 4' deep pool and may or may not be paralyzed. We had to turn around and go back to Florida to drop him off at the hospital, and the delay would have left us with an hour in Mexico as opposed to the intended eight. As such, we went to the Bahamas. While ruin-free, it was beachiful. After realizing how ridiculously chipper and friendly everyone one board was, it was decided that our ship was a floating Mos Isley. As such, we spent a great deal of time figuring out exactly how these scum murder their victims. Between our lovely dinner partners and their brick-smashing ring, the poisoned tea-and-krumpets killer, the kickboxing thai waiter, and the dreadlock strangler, I've never been surrounded by so many coldblooded criminals. Cruises are 4-day long wedding receptions. Witnessed: 4 Chicken Dances, 3 Electric Slides, 3 YMCA's (one in French). Saying something in a pirate voice is always funny. The more mundane the better: aaaaaaar. The Captain will have a venti frappuccino. I gotta work on me core strength. I'm tryin' pilates. When the cab driver warns you that Nassau is a Monday-Saturday, 9-5 town and therefore all of the stores will be closed during your Sunday afternoon visit, this does not rule out the chance of an unforecasted parade. I pride myself on my exceptional direction sense. As of today, I am equally proud of my ability to shrug off any natural skill in the face of relaxation. I spent four days on a boat and never once had any idea where anything was. Today I played catch with an orangutan, and a squirrel monkey played with my socks: I saw a dog shit in an airport.