In a few short hours, I will be on a plane heading for Seattle. Then tomorrow, I board a ship for a 7-day cruise. Fear not, Friday Poll Fans, perennial pinch-hitter soarjubs
will be guest-polling next Friday.
htothem -- What is going to be the next trendy thing to be afraid of? (For a while it was clowns, then zombies, now raptors) Raptors are the new phobia trend? I had no idea. My friend in HS used to say he'd make millions selling traditional old round doorknobs and marketing them as Raptor-Proof doorknobs and I kinda stole the joke.
If Tyra truly is the Next Oprah, dolphins.
Those fuzzy haired troll dolls.
subbes -- How should I keep the cats entertained on Saturday mornings so I can maybe have a lie-in past 5:30AM, which is, apparently, Breakfast Time for cats?
While you're at work and their lazy asses are napping, call your house (if you still have a land line) and make the phone ring every few hours. That aughtta put them on a more normal sleeping schedule.
You need one of these
. $40 is worth sleeping in past dawn on weekends.
Or one of these
. My friend used to have one and it kept her cats amused for HOURS. And sorta fed.
Get a Roomba. It will amuse the cats, clean your floors, and appeal to the hipster nester in you.
popespydie -- Will Scientology and Mormonism duel it out for supreme interstellar domination? (aka Craziest Cult Ever)
Doubtful. The key difference between Scientologists and Mormons (and what makes Mormons lose out on the crazy scale every time) is they're are less hellbent on convincing everyone else they're not nuts. They're more confident in their nuttiness.
If they did, Mormons would have to introduce a whole new line of dueling undergarments.
Gay Celebrities vs. Guys in Short Sleeved Shirts with Ties. Who do you think is gonna win?
BYU has an intricate plan to hire John Travolta to speak at their graduation ceremony. There they will hold him hostage until the terms of the duel can be set.
bobwhite -- My new lease says that I am not allowed to flush any sort of wet wipe down the toilet. For the next year will I have more itchy ass or swamp butt?
I guess you're going to be spending a whole lot more time crapping at work.
I believe Howard Stern once said if it takes more than three wipes, it's time for a shower.
It's Chicago. In the winter, itchy ass; in the summer, swamp butt.
eideteker -- Who the hell parks nose-in? Backing in is the only serious way to park. If you can't do it quickly, then you just suck.
We're talking about rednecks. You know they suck.
If you still choose to back in if someone's behind you in the parking lot lanes, you deserve to be run over. If you pass a spot, my ass is not backing up for you so you can park "serious".
Everybody parks nose-in. Except asswipes who own gigantic pickup trucks and rednecks. Which one does that make you?
Stadium events are the rare exception to the back-in lameity, but the person-behind-you rule remains in effect. You want your nose out? Get a pullthrough spot.
renob423 -- hey Gepetto, what ever happened to Belly?
They went the way of Throwing Muses and L7.
They died with the flowery dress/combat boots combo.
All few-hit bands like Belly only exist as long as their catchy little tune stays in our head, and the more of us who hum it incessantly at a time, the brighter they shine. Like Tinkerbell.
Where once we wanted artists devoted to the craft of making music, somewhere in the mid-1990's we were collectively distracted by navel-bearing slogan T-shirts and thong outlines. And the population of female rockers has been dangerously low ever since.
soarjubs -- Actually, no, she's not here right now. May I take a message?
Um, well her mom called and told me about the test results. If she needs to talk or anything, have her give me a call.
Don't make me come down there. I don't need to talk to you.
Yes. I'm calling to let her know that she's won a trip for TWO to the Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando, Florida. It is imperative that she give me a call as soon as possible to redeem her prize.
Yes, please. Tell her that the HC422 forms have arrived but there are only three cases when we needed four, but we did get an extra box of the PD576 forms, even though that one has fewer forms per box than the HC422's. Did you get all that?
absolutcalm -- Are there ANY Beatles songs that hasn't been turned into a commercial yet? If so, what would be their perfect product-brand?
"If I Fell" for Life Alert.
"Fixing a Hole" for Roto-Rooter.
"Carry that Weight" for OsteoFlex.
"Yellow Submarine" for Bayer.
From Evan: Best Sandwich: Since this can go in a billion different directions, we're going to do Best Diner Sandwich.
Have I packed everything?
Chill out. You have everything. If there's anything you forgot, you can get it in Seattle or wherever.
You had better. You guys have four suitcases, and Evan's stuff sure doesn't take up two.
If you forgot it, it's because you didn't need it. Don't worry, you're fine.
If you have enough underwear and enough socks, there's nowhere you can't go.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand one more rub-in question: Which of the four "shore excursions" we booked ourselves on is going to rule the most?
Historic Sitka & Nature Walk
Misty Fjords & Wilderness Explorer
Best of Juneau! Whale Watching Quest, Mendenhall Glacier & Alaska Salmon Bake
Victoria Ale & Pub Tour
Again, next week's answers will be provided by soarjubs. If you've got the guts, type YOUR QUESTION HERE