Apologies to friendship7
for missing their chili responses last week. I thought to check for late-submitted questions, but forgot to look and see of there were some new chili answers.
Thanks once again to those who have the balls and manual dexterity to submit answers: Frank Sinatra is to Old Blue Eyes as Paris Hilton is to:
-- Old Festering Crotch
-- Frank Sinatra is to Old Blue Eyes as Paris Hilton is to Dick In The Mashed Potatoes.
-- sinatra sucks, i never understood the fascination around him.
popespydie -- With new Harry Potter in July Potterites will be showing their Potterdom in full force. How do you know they've gone too far?
Nationwide hijackings manage to shut down the internet from July 20 - 23 to prevent this book's "Hermione Dies".
Oh, and remember: next Friday... is Harry Potter day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Harry Potter Costume.
LJ will undergo one of those mask-things they do on Halloween and Talk Like An Annoying Pirate Day where all the button labels are changed from "Post Comment" to things like "Typea-kabibble!"
Fully-mature adults will spend hours waiting on line for and discussing a children's book. Oh... um, yeah.
subbes -- What zany news items will come now Alli has been released? Beyond the obvious anal leakage ones, please.
Users of new fat-binding drug find no significant weight loss results, FDA admits to fabricating "low fat" craze to boost economy: "It's simply a matter of genetics. Either you're inclined to obesity or you're not."
Nationwide efforts to eliminate obesity epidemic increase, purchasers of weight-loss drug tagged in CIA database. "If those stupid tubbos can't stop pushing Twinkies down their throats, they can't be trusted with national security."
Height replaces weight as Gold Standard for beauty: "Now that anyone with $60 can be thin, the allure of exclusivity is gone. The focus will be on height for Spring '08. Finally, something they can be self-conscious about and never ever achieve.
Following success of Alli, scientists have developed a sodium-binding drug to help combat heart disease. Early testing show rare occasion of nosebleeds if users consume a meal with too much salt while taking the drug.
vivisectasch -- I just found a _____! Now I can go ____!
blue key | to Level 2
bum on the street | give him a fake dollar and laugh and laugh and laugh
job I'm proud of | tell my old guidance counselor just how stupid and wrong he always was
car parked over the line | fling my door open right into it's side panel
eideteker -- What are the ten best "Weird" Al songs of all time, in order of greatness? (if there's a tie, rank them chronological, then alphabetical)
I dunno, the ones where he makes fun of Michael Jackson songs. There's more than ten?
There is no way the average radio-listening plebean would have even heard of most of his best work, and I'm not going to just parade around the breadth and depth of my "Weird" Al knowledge just to appease these mainstreamers.
Choosing my 10 favorite Weird Al songs is like choosing my 10 favorite gummi candies. I can't believe you're doing this to me.
Eat It, I lost on Jeopardy, Good Old Days, Fat, (TIE)King of Suede/Them From Rocky XIII, White & Nerdy, Stuck In A Closet w/Vanna White, Nature Trail To Hell (in 3-D), The Alternative Polka, Since You've Been Gone
Another One Rides the Bus, Dare to be Stupid, Dog Eat Dog, Gump, I Lost on Jeopardy, Theme From Rocky XIII, (This Song's Just) Six Words Long, You Make Me, Beverly Hillbillies (Money for Nothing), Polkas on 45
coldblackncold -- Will his sperms in my butt make it bigger?
It's a little known fact, but women's uteruses don't get big because of the babies growing, but from all the sperms up in there. If sperms can do that to a belly, just think what they can do to your ass.
Honey, if you like it even though you're not sure if it makes your butt biggerer, just run with it. Do what feels right, knowwhaddI'msayin?
So that's why there were all those bathhouses and stuff in Ancient Rome! They all liked big ol' asses!
The only person answering this question with any degree of seriousness or sincerity is "luvmywifesass".
absolutcalm -- When on Vacation, I like to lie as much as possible: I've told one woman I'm a Kindergarten teacher and a guy that I'm a mormon and my 2 friends were my wives. What's the best vacation lies you've told?
Uh...in sixth grade my friend and I pretended we didn't understand English and babbled to each other in a sort of German-sounding language to reinforce the lie to whoever tried to talk to us. Since then I haven't lied on vacation much.
The truth of it is, and this is highly confidential...I own this motel. I own the whole chain, nationwide. Twenty-two hundred units. Yeah, once a year, I travel across the country, incognito. Check things out, and see how the operation is running.
I lie as I go. If someone asks me what I do, I'll say something like janitor or bus driver. If they ask if I like pro wrestling, I say yes. If they present a political debate, I choose the side I think they're against and argue it forcefully.
I don't normally talk to other people on vacation than the ones I came with, but I like to make up lies about strangers: how they kill people, what their apartment smells like, how the hat they're wearing gets them pussy, etc.
renob423 -- what the first thought that enters your mind when someone starts telling you about a dream that they had the other night? and are you one of those people that tells other people about a dream they had the other night? if so, why do you do that?
Hearing about someone else's dream jogs my memory of my own recent dreams. Then if they're interested enough in dreams to tell me about theirs, they probably want to hear about mine. If they don't, tough tits. It's a dialogue, not a speech.
My first thoughts are usually to the old Lucky Charms campaign when they announced the purple horseshoes. I don't give a shit about your dreams, they're not real and don't have any effect on me.
People tell you about their dreams because they want to hear how crazy/weird/interesting the dream (and therefore they) are, so when they're done, I make up a dream even zanier so they remember how mudane/commonplace/boring they are.
I tell people about the dreams I had because there's only so many times you can talk about the weather or how many days there are left in the week.
soarjubs -- Is there a song that can drive you into a murderous rage more quickly than Mr. Bojangles ?
The Hotel California.
From Evan: Captain America vs. Batman.
As you may know, I'm convinced my life is a constant battle for balance between the things I do/say and the things that happen to me. Which of my recent tempts of fate is responsible for my car breaking down yesterday?
Last week when I took the Metro to the doctor I commented to him about how the occasional ride is good for reminding me how great I have it now that I can drive to work and don't have to put up with that bullshit anymore.
Wednesday night when I was getting on the apartment shuttle bus, the driver was happy to see me and asked where I've been for the past year. I laughed and said I got a new job and am not a "slave to the train" anymore.
I've been looking around at cars on the road and thinking about which ones I would be interested in when Justice dies.
The way my raise was structured, I got half of my raise percentage in January and am supposed to receive the rest of it in July. Remembering this, I was thinking about how I can really start saving now that I'm going to get bigger paychecks.
On a lighter note, what's the worst part about 4th of July being on Wednesday?
You can't just take one more vacation day to make a long weekend/work is unlikely to give two extra bonus holiday days to make it a weekend.
Forget that daylong 4th of July beer buzz you love so much.
If you want to see any fireworks and then battle the traffic to get out of wherever you went to go see them, you're not getting home before midnight or one on Wednesday.
Eeh. Twilight Zone Day is Twilight Zone Day, no matter what day of the week it is.