A scant three reader-submitted questions this week - I've had my work cut out for me. The Friday Poll: you've got questions, we've got answers
eideteker -- What do you think of the new Byrne/Eno joint? I'm generally a fan of their work, both individually and collaboratively, but I haven't listened to it yet. Greatest Talking Heads album:
Talking Heads '77
More Songs about Buildings and Food
Speaking in Tongues
renob423 -- will there ever be a jessie jackson type guy who fights for the rights of potheads and yells at guys like judd apatow & harold and kumar for making negative stereotypes of potheads? someone who finally says its not all greatful dead and hackysack at park There probably have been many, but whenever it came time for them to give a speech or write an OpEd piece about it, they just flaked. Which of these statements about potheads would qualify as "positive" enough to launch said campaign?
They don't pay taxes on the money they spend on their intoxicant of choice, so therefore, unlike drinkers or cigarette smokers, their money isn't going to fund unfavorable things that the government spends tax money on.
If it weren't for potheads, all of the small business "tobacco pipe" shop owners would suffer.
They're doing their part for the environment by consuming a 100% biodegradable product that doesn't clutter landfills with bottles and cans.
Since they primarily consume their intoxicant while sealed into their home and rarely have the motivation to leave, they're contributing to more quiet and peaceful neighborhoods and reducing noise pollution.
pooplord -- What's the best thing to say when your stomach growls loudly during a long staff meeting? Haha I said "long staff."
Sounds like we have a motion to adjourn. Can I get a second?
I'm sorry, I thought you said turkey solutions and my stomach got all excited.
Ooh, I'm sorry. That sound means you have deviated from the agenda. Please return to the topic at hand.
Quiet, stomach! He said to hold your comments until the end!
I was looking at a report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics the other day and noticed this peculiar footnote: Since the U.S. government is depending on wikipedia to define job duties and criteria, what should I change the definition of Overhead Crane Operator to?
Overhead Crane Operators must be able to accurately predict the amount of food and water they expect to consume during their shift and be comfortable defecating in a bucket that may or may not be emptied until said shift is completed.
Must have a personality that combines the the right proportions of bold daredevil with utter nutcase, willing to spend hours in a claustrophobia-inducing pod at dizzying heights lilting back and forth on the whim of a breeze.
Overhead Crane Operators stand on very tall poles on one foot with their arms over their heads and their hands pointed down while fielding customer service calls for Verizon. Occasionally they will do a jump-kick to switch feet.
Overhead Crane Operators are the guys who work the even bigger cranes that are used to get those enormous cranes on top of really tall buildings.
Headline: Elephant beats heroin habit with detox.
Is it really a "habit" if somebody fed him the heroin bananas? Do babies have milk habits?
As if the celebutauntes' halfassed jaunts to rehab spas ever seemed genuine to anyone, just think: it took an animal three years on an isolated island under complete control in order to detox.
I've seen Trainspotting. I would rather not know what the evidence of the elephant's withdrawal symptoms were.
His return home will "mark another step in the elephant's triumph over addiction". Next up: letters of apology to everyone he ever gleefully sprayed with water in very large, very illegible penmanship.
Jerry Seinfeld as the new Microsoft shill:
Does this mean Windows '98 is coming back?
Way to show us how you're clued in to the wants, needs and tastes of the public, Microsoft.
Who are these people that don't use IE? I mean, it's right there on your desktop, it works with everything! Why would I go out of my way to download some other browser that may have problems with popups? I mean, what is the deal with that?
Microsoft ads are about as stupid as Post Office commercials. Yes, you're not the only choice, but you're pretty damn close to it. We don't have to seek out your product changes, you either give them to us or make us get them.
I am now or have in the past been in in a Fantasy Football League:
I expect to win at Fantasy Football and will conduct research, obsessively monitor my players and take this all very seriously.
I do not play Fantasy Football.
I don't really care about football, I just like playing in a fantasy league and busting my friends' balls on the smacktalk board.
I do not play Fantasy Football.
Thank god, only a few more weeks until ________________ comes back: Please check all that apply.
Dancing with the Stars.