The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight (maeincarnate) wrote,
The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight
maeincarnate

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Dr. Mej's Advice for Chicks Who Get Their Advice from the Style Network

I've had a sufficient amount of time to stew about last night's Modern Girls Guide To Life show, and had equally sufficient time to regain my typing skills, I have decided to dole out a little advice of my own. Maybe with some clever bohemian graphics and some throwback lounge music, I can make a show out of this.

Dr. Mej's Advice for Chicks Who Get Their Advice from the Style Network

Rule #1 - Being dumb is not cute.
Rule #2 - Looking dumb is not cute.
Rule #3 - Pretending to be dumb is not cute.

So you haven't read Hamlet. So what. I don't think I know anyone who actually read all of the books they were supposed to in High School, because High School was bullshit. And don't be so hard on yourself: reading plays can be tough. However, pretending to know about something you don't know about is going to get you in deep trouble someday. Whatever anyone on TV tells you, saying that Hamlet is an "introspective work about the meaning of life, loyalty and love" is not going to get you through a conversation with smart people. When you spout some paperback cover nonsense like that, there's a good chance someone's going to ask how you think of Fortinbras fits into that whole nutshell, and then you must refer to Rule #2.

There's no time like the present to start smarting it up. But you don't have Mr. English Teacher there to prod you into the book learnin this time around, so you need to get creative and motivated. Remember: even Cher Horowitz was able to follow Hamlet, and participate in a conversation about it. What was important about Cher shooting down that nerd girl with her Hamlet knowledge is that she chimed in on something she knew about and learned on her own, not regurgitating something someone else told her. Rent the movie. Mel Gibson looks way hot in it. Get a copy of the book and read it. It will be easier to envision after you can just picture Mel and the chick from Fight Club when you see their names. Look up some stuff about it on the internet. People learn on their own all the time, and you can too.

Then again, that sounds like a lot of work. The other way to get around the didn't-read-Hamlet problem takes a whole lot less effort. When people around you are talking about some classic piece of literature that you haven't read, look interested. Smile and nod. Don't volunteer banalities about the topic, but if asked to contribute, fess up. Tell a joke about your idiot High School English teacher, what a dick he was, and how you know now it was for your own good but who knows what's good for them in High School. People will laugh, because they probably have the same thing to say about Billy Budd or Catcher in the Rye, and maybe the conversation will switch to something you are well versed in, such as funny high school stories.

Even if it doesn't, so what. Let them keep talking about Hamlet and sit there and politely listen. Everyone is guilty of not having read something we are all "supposed" to have, and if anyone judges you for not reading something we're all "supposed" to have read, that person is a hypocritical jackoff and you don't need to bother yourself trying to impress them.
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