The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight (maeincarnate) wrote,
The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight

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Swiff it Good

Aside from being the most awesome cleaning invention of the past five years, The Swiffer is perhaps the most effective and gratifying bugswatter ever invented.

Picture it: last night. I'm busy slaying rabid galactic herbivores and suddenly I need that American Express envelope I wrote The Code of the Sith on, when what do I see in the middle of my floor but the biggest goddamn cricket I've seen since I lived in that group house that was overrun with the suckers. Nobly propped against the jamb of my kitchen door is my Swiffer, still equipped with its dust-catching, bug-slaying Swiffer cloth.

With a quick but not quick enough motion, I lunge at my hopping foe only to watch him skitter beneath the futon. With a few swings of the Swiffer, I search for him, but to no avail, and return to my game full well knowing he'll show his lousy face again before the night is over.

And show it he does. In the hallway between the living room and bathroom, he taunts me from beside the rug. This time, I land the Swiffer with a staccato snap, pause, and carefully pull back. The Swiffer pad is sadly free of bugs. I check my bed to see if he had leapt there, and discovering he had not, decide to retire having lost that night's battle.

After the morning's showers, and with minutes left before we leave for the day, I see my mutlilegged opponent lurking languidly under the bathroom cabinet, slowed by the dense steamy air, and fatigued from the previous night's efforts. This time, he puts up little fight, succumbing to the second Swiffer land.

And therein lies the beauty of the Swiffer Bug Swatter: the easy cleanup. With a simple flick of my bugless fingers, I can remove the victim from the means of his demise, leaving the Swiffer spotless, and even having a cloth handy to wipe up any excess bug that may remain on whatever was his last place on earth.

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