The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight (maeincarnate) wrote,
The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight

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Revenge of the Sith: FIRE BAAAAAAAAAD.

Saw Revenge of the Sith last night.

I don't know what happened in that movie that could particularly be considered a "spoiler", but I'll

In the very first scene, R2D2 bleeped "uh ohhhhhhhhhhh!" and I fucking checked out. From that point on I was unable to smile and ignore stupid shit like Wookiee Tarzan yells and drone droids huffing and puffing "excuuuuuuuse me" as they waddled around the actors. When The Emperor and Mace Windu are locked in a storm of force lightning trying desperately to convince Anakin the other is the traitor, all I could hear in my head was "ME ARTHUR!" as Anakin rubbed his chin in Ticklike ponderous confusion. And that's when I lost whatever concentration I had. It wasn't until Vader's "JEDI BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD" stomping that I actually laughed out loud. Or was it the "omg! That thing they're fighting on is about to go down a LAVA WATERFALL!!" was a blur after a while.

Luckily, the film does contain a lesson in Moral Relativism so simplistic even his target audience could start sypmathising with suicide bombers: "see...from my point of view, the Jedi are the evil ones!" So you mean...omg! Depending on you could think...someone in the universe likes the Emperor! And it's not wrong...

Whether it was a defense mechanism against this sort of shit or because Obi-Wan and Anakin really should consider using Disable Driod from time to time, I spent much of the film watching as though I were playing KOTOR. Man, Yoda must burn through force points flipping around like that. No wonder he's so drained the rest of the time. Choke: nice. Force Push: nice. Ya know what would really work here? Amp up with Master Speed and Flurry a few times. Unstoppable.

All that aside, it had some strong points. While Bob White's Term Paper Analogy is both valid and dead-on, I found the sort of Where's-Waldo stuff to be the real fun of the movie. Spotting Grand Moff Tarkin or the stunning resemblance of Senator Organa's ship to Leia's and whatnot was great.

Like 3PO and R2, like the Jango/Boba Fett relationship, christ, even seeing Wedge's father at the end, DID IT HAVE TO BE CHEWBACCA? There's a whole fucking planet full of Wookiees. Is it possible...maybe...that it was some other Wookiee who helps out Yoda? Okay, so out of all the droids in the universe, Luke ends up with the very same droids his father had. Fine. And the origin of the clone army and the Stormtroopers happens to be the father of the bounty hunter that captures Han Solo. We all know there are more Wookiees than Chewie. There's a lot of them. And if Chewbacca is such big kaka on Kashyyyk that he gets to hang with Yoda during the battle, why is he tagging along doing odd heist jobs with some con in a beat up old ship in 20 years?

I recommend to anyone who cares enough to watch the Clone Wars Animated Miniseries. The three paragraph summary in the beginning did it no justice. For those of you have seen CW: it was a shame that Grievous was so blatantly and heavy-handedly maniacal in RotS. He was much more subtle and effective in CW. And he fucking kicked some Jedi tit around. AND they didn't show the 4-arms bit until he was really desperate and in a tough spot. They didn't show his heart in CW, however, but I think it was a (possibly accidental) nice way of saying Grevious had a similar life as Vader: whatever life form he was had over time been destroyed, leaving him more machine than man.

And ya know why it's forbidden for Jedi to love and marry and stuff? Because it's embarrassing to have to watch a Jedi grapple with the stresses of knocking up his secret wife.

But to step off my nerd pulpit, it was better than the first 2. Better than Return of the Jedi. And the more I think about it, I want to watch 4-6 again.
Tags: nerdery, pop culture, rant

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