pooplord -- As it turns out, I may actually be the annoying coworker who is small-talking and throwing around silly phrases. How should I end my own life?
Hang yourself with a power strip cord.
Huff an entire bottle of concentrated keyboard cleaning air.
Stab yourself in the ear with a letter opener.
The ol' tie-in-the-shredder routine.
htothem -- Why do boys suck so hard?
They're sick of our shit.
To keep us on our toes.
If boys didn't suck, they'd be just like girls: bitches.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
eideteker -- The correct answer last week was "Why-oh-why do only fools fall in love?" This week: Does this, combined with the theory of Evolution, explain the current state of the world?
In the evolutionary sense, we've only been on 2 legs for a short while. We're bound to fall sometimes.
Alright, Señor Crappyquestion. Where was your "correct answer" to "OMG FIRST PSOT!"
The climbing divorce rate shows that only fools fall in love, while the rest of us are shedding the "tail" that is the ol' ball and chain.
If only fools fall in love, and War is Natural Selection, only fools Make Love Not War.
funboytim -- Was there any Zipperneck(TM) joo-ray at the Grammys?
Like that tackyass Mariah Carey would know good jewelry when she saw it.
There was some in those celebrity goodiebags we all hear so little about.
They were wearing it, but they just had it on loan. You know how it goes with red carpet jewlery.
Today, LiveJournal. Tomorrow, Hollywood.
coldblackncold -- Why is The Simpsons still on?
Humans are creatures of habit. We all know it sucks and has sucked for years, but we're used to turning on Fox at 8 on Sundays and seeing yellow cartoons on it. If it weren't on, we probably wouldn't know what to do.
The answer to this is the same as the answer to most questions about bad comedy: the average person has a terrible (if any) sense of humor.
While the Simpsonian Era has been in a steady decline for years, there has not been a show threatening enough to equate to a Germanic Invasion, or to switch metaphors, we have yet to see the true Waterloo.
What do you mean?!? The Simpsons is so funny! I love how they make these really easy jokes and then swap from zany storyline to zany storyline in minutes!
absolutcalm -- Your momma so fat...
Dr. Phil was like, "lady, I got nuthin'".
Martin Lawrence spent a few weeks with her to method his new character.
she, uh...has trouble putting her seatbelt on? I dunno. I was never good at these.
clockwatcher -- WHY WHY WHY DO WE HAVE TO WORK?
Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Idle hands are the devil's somethingorother.
Without work to crush our ambition and stifle our creativity, those we work for would find themselves facing an entire workforce of competition.
So things like Livejournal, Instant Messenger, MySpace, SomethingAwful, PopCap Games, What Fruit Are You Quizzes, memes, spam, chain emails, Friendster, Wikipedia, et al can exist.
friendship7 -- Is the world becoming overpopulated?
It is, and we have birth control to thank for that. Those who control their reproduction have offspring who do the same. Those who do not produce 3x more children who are just as irresponsible with their breeding.
It is. I recommend we start taking more drugs. You know--do our part to help things along.
You sir, have clearly never been to Montana.
twicketface -- How come breakfast foods taste good at every meal?
Each breakfast food can stand on its own as a delightful entity. Try and say that about green beans.
Every time you eat, you are breaking a fast. It is only natural that breakfast foods are always appropriate.
From sweet to savory, light to decadent, rye to whole wheat, breakfast food runs the entire gamut of flavor.
Fucking A tell McDonalds this. I could house an Egg McMuffin at 3pm as well as I could in the morning.
soarjubs -- Why can't straight people just be allowed to have "gay" to use in the middle-school sense without offending people? That's just gay.
Ya know what's gay? This question.
I had a gay friend in High School who used "gay" that way, but he'd always say "That's gay. And not in the good way."
Seriously. What's that homo shit about?
You can use gay that way, but if you do, you may only refer to your penis as your "wiener".
renob423 -- why do penguines have wings if they don't fly?
Why do people have tailbones but no tails?
OMG PRAKWAY DRIVEWAY WTF?
Chickens also don't fly but have wings. And they make for good eatin'. If penguins were as easy to raise as chickens, we'd probably find out how delicious penguin wings were.
Like other flightless birds, the platypus, dachshunds, giraffes, and Presbyterians, penguins are the world's "oopsies".
observacious -- What is it about snow that disturbs the DC populace so immensely?
We fear what we do not understand.
The DC populace is well aware of what shitty drivers they are in nice weather. Forget the added variable of snow.
It's not the snow that disturbs us, it's ABC 7's Live Super Doppler® Radar.
DC lacks celebrity, creativity, individuality, and character. Leave it to a town as personality-free as this to find such excitement in precipitation.
petdance -- What's the deal with Michelle Kwan's groin?
Fuck the Olympics.
Whenever I feel like I'm about to close out 10 years of effort with a big fat goose egg, my "groin" gets injured as well.
I have a feeling we'll get to have a nice close look at it on DVD now that her ice skating career is over, if you catch my drift.
Sports people are always having groin injuries. I can't remember the last time I used the word "groin".
How old is the oldest article of clothing that you own and wear regularly (in years)?
Mean: 10.23 Median: 9 Std. Dev 4.98
I got another one. It's for you people who changed the "style" of your comments reading page. Why the hell did you do that? I mean seriously.
I like to use clever color schemes that make my comments pages really hard to read.
I don't want people using my comments pages to navigate to other parts of LJ. It's my page. You're there for ME.
Your friends page doesn't properly demonstrate the time and thought I put in to those colors. My genius is being wasted.
If you have to to search my comments page for my little pencil to figure out whether it's for new comments or to reply, I'll only get really good comments because unless your comment so awesome it HAD to be posted, you'd give up before you figured it out.
ASK THE INTERNET! IT'S FREE!