chaoticgoodnik -- My cousins had both a pool table and a ping-pong table. What does that say about my extended family?
They were bleating followers of the ping pong herd until one day they opened their eyes to cool.
They knew cool when they saw it, but were afraid to go that far out on their own. The ping pong table was an attempt to camouflage themselves with the mundane.
Your Aunt is awesome and your Uncle is lame. Or vice-versa.
If you look closer, there's probably leisure suits, Izod polos, Cross Colors Jackets, and every other fad from the last 30 years in that basement.
clockwatcher -- Gulp, Big Gulp, or Super Big Gulp?
Gulp: Since nobody ever gets the Gulp, those of you who for some reason prefer those 20oz plastic bottles over a delicious fountain soda may choose this.
Big Gulp: The ideal size cup for the appropriate amount of ice in a decent amount of soda.
Super Big Gulp: I'm either a very fast drinker or I like to drink the watered down lukewarm soda at the end.
Double Gulp: I got nuthin' better to do today.
rustnroses -- What's the best condiment to dip chicken fingers in? (ranch dressing, ketchup, blue cheese dressing, bbq/sweet & sour) Madam, BBQ and Sweet & Sour sauces are two VERY different things.
Bleu Cheese Dressing.
coldblackncold -- Whatever, awesome guy!
That sounds like loser talk to me.
ao -- American Dad made me scared that George Clooney would become a US Senator. What should I do?
Start watching funny cartoons.
Find a different actor to back in the Senate race. And fast.
Get working on the Roseanne-years smear campaign.
President Schwarzenegger would never let that happen.
bobwhite -- What film will District B13 knock out of the AFI Top 100? Philadelphia? Please say Philadelphia!
Singin' in the Rain. Attention AFI people and film professors everywhere: old does not always indicate importance. Singin' in the Rain is the cinematic equivalent of Cool Whip. You wouldn't jiz so hard over Clueless, would you?
Bob, you have got to chill out a bit about this Frog movie. Tons of movies look awesome in the previews that turn out to be shit. I can't even tell you how excited I was for White Noise.
observacious -- What horrible side effect will they discover about Splenda?
A bizarre condition known only as Hot Dog Fingers.
The increased serotonin levels resulting from the ability to enjoy more comfort foods will cause men to grow four additional nipples.
Splenda will become so popular and so inexpensive to produce that it will replace sugar in every manufactured food product, thus effectively eliminating the obesity epidemic. The fad diet industry will be horribly destroyed.
friendship7 -- Cleaning out my closet, I found a short denim miniskirt, size 6. Seeing as I have no recollection as to why it would be in there, what are the possibilities?
Apparently the option of getting laid hasn't crossed your mind, so we probably shouldn't consider it either.
Your girlfriend is testing you. Do you ask if it's hers or do you guiltily hide it?
I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard.
Remember: your landlord has the key to your place. Keep an eye out for more anomalies like this one, and maybe set up a camera.
renob423 -- whatever happened to pogs?
Pogs are the root cause of flash flooding. They all found their way in suburban sewer grates and runoff drains and have been steadily clogging them since 1998.
They're all in other countries. Just last year in Puerto Rico I got a Bob Esponja pog in my Burger King Kids Meal.
Unlike Ping Pong tables, pogs are a fad easily disposed of once unpopular.
What the hell were pogs for anyway? Did you chip them like tiddly winks or just trade them like cards?
soarjubs -- People love the way fast cars look. Vettes, Porsches, etc. Why don't we make every sedan and coupe look that awesome even if they're economical? (I.E. WTF IS WRONG WITH THE PRIUS, IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE BLEW UP A VOLVO LIKE A BALLOON)
Most people know they're lucky even to be Prius-level awesome.
If regular cars looked as cool as awesome cars, awesome cars would have to change to a new level of awesome. Without darkness, there is no light, man.
In fitting with the social desire to delay at least the perception of responsibility and age, regular cars are all being made to look like toys.
For the same reason why they offer cars in shitty colors like "champagne" and "taupe" even though good colors are available: there's safety in the bland.
absolutcalm -- Of all the TV Game Show Hosts, who would you lay? Bonus: who has the biggest penis? If this isn't a two-parter, I don't know what is.: Of all the TV Game Show Hosts, who would you lay?
eideteker -- I have no question this week. Does that make you sad, or happy?
This may be your best question in weeks!
First I was nervous, then anxious, then wary, then apprehensive, then...kind of sleepy, then worried, and then concerned.
subbes -- What's the best way to reduce your electricity bill?
Get the suggested 15 hours sleep a day.
A 200' extension cord and a forgetful neighbor.
Heat your home by turning on your gas oven to 400° and leaving the door open.
Leave your lights on at all times. Like cars and cruise control, less energy is expended when items are left on permanently than when turned on and off intermittently.
twicketface -- Why did Bill Hicks have to die so young?
So people would have something to carve into bar tabletops.
So he didn't grow up to be George Carlin.
That which burns so bright can only burn so long.
I spent a few additional, unplanned hours sitting around O'Hare airport last night. I realized for a place that has the most frequent flight delays in the country, there's not a lot of space at each gate to sit, and only one sit-down restaurant per terminal. Would preparing for these inevitable delays with comfortable amenities ease or exacerbate the wait?
Ease. Delays happen, sometimes more often than others. Having things like bars, nice chairs, shops, maybe even a few of those coin-op massage chairs would take some of the sting out of waiting.
Exacerbate. Installing such things acknowledges the problem but does nothing to solve it. They should be spending that money on making sure I'm not waiting.
Guest question this week from someone who for god's sake needs an LJ: Organic or mechanical web shooters?