observacious -- While bobwhite's away observacious will...?
spend the weekend in her jammies watching all films starring Kid or Play.
get a head start on her Christmas shopping, with a visit to Target.
just for giggles & shits, get drunk on Molson, eh?
aybe-may isit-vay an ew-fay useums-may.
absolutcalm -- Which is the most disgustingly cute and deserving to die: Ewoks, Mogwai's, Furbies or little asians adoptees?
Ewoks. The beginning of the end. We would have been more malicious, but we were just kids. WE DIDN'T KNOW.
Mogwais. ... uh...I can't think of a reason Mogwais have to die. They're all cute and frolicky and drive Barbie cars.
Furbies. But not because they're cute. Those things are freaky-creepy weird and they gots to go.
Little Orphan Asian. They don't deserve to die, but they will. Lonely and in the pound with all the passé teacup Chihuahuas in L.A.
eideteker -- If you were going to be a celebrity, would you be a one-named celebrity (e.g. Madonna, Prince, Topol), and here I thought it was just a smokers' toothpaste or a three-named celebrity (e.g. David Lee Roth, Anna Nicole Smith, Edward James Olmos)?
One-name. Everybody would wonder, "what's their last name?" or "is that short for something" or think that I've transcended the traditional naming conventions and achieved a singular "essence" of self, therefore boosting my own celebrity.
Three-name. That way I could pull a John Cougar Mellencamp whenever I needed to freshen myself up for a new image or reinsert myself in the public eye.
renob423 -- would you feel insulted if someone bought you a thasarus for x-mas? I'll pass on the too-easy "How about a dictionary" joke here.
I would. I would also feel peeved, irritated, hurt, offended, shunned and vexed.
No. I like big words, but I can't ever think up good ones for stuff.
I might feel mildly rebuffed, but would nevertheless be grateful for their altruism.
Insulted? No. Annoyed? Yeah. What do I need a hard copy of a thesaurus for? There's dozens of free ones on the internet. Shit, give me a phone book while you're at it.
soarjubs -- Ping wah, kuwi kai wah -boh- Ping WOH, kuwi tho mien? (Hua?)
Yes. One large Sweet and Sour Chicken, an order of Spring Rolls, and Egg Drop Soup.
Wah, wah. WOH wai watusi.
Campbell! I didn't realize you spoke Cantonese!
Take it easy there, Charlie. I didn't mean it like that.
friendship7 -- Last night upon sitting down at a local watering hole to have a beer or ten, a woman quickly sauntered up to me and asked me if my name was Marty. Her name was...
Jennifer. And she's your density.
Had you been in New Jersey, I'd have guessed Lisa.
I have no idea and neither do you. Ten bucks says the next line in this conversation was "No? Oh, sorry. You look just like a guy named Marty I know."
Also Marty, oddly enough. She's been digging around the bar scene hoping to score herself a Paris/Paris scenario.
From Evan, inspired by this article: Is farting a legitimate response to a question?
Fart? No. Burp? Yes.
It's how we know grandpa liked his dinner. Whether we ask or not.
Yeah, but I wouldn't try it on the SAT's or anything like that. Farts never translate well onto a scantron.
Yes, but only to a select few questions, such as "would you like any more cheese?", "wait, did you hear that?", and "why should I pull your finger?"
Proper TP roll orientation:
Pull down; clockwise.
Pull up; counterclockwise.