absolutcalm -- Reimagine what The Office would be like if it were set in an anime Samurai action romp.
I know it was Jim who moved my desk towards the mens room ahhah it is for the same reason I my name shows as Diaper on my screen that I know it was he who caused me this shame and indignity, huaaah?
Jim is funny and we talk mmhmm but he is not strong like Roy who is the better choice for a husband, yes, because he grows angry with me only to show me he is master, teeheeeheee!
I find your photograph of infants playing musical instruments offensive and wish it to be removed from my sight. If you do not comply with this request, I will be forced to call upon Toby to mediate the proper recourse, hmm?
It is because we have been so powerful in our paper sales that the Stanford branch has fallen to its knees in failure and we are successful! Those who wish to join the side of victory may transfer to this office but must pledge loyalty to Scott-san.
twicketface -- I found a new barbershop that will give a cut, wash, condition, hot towel, style and back massage for $10. What's an appropriate tip for such classy service, as 15% seems cheap.
$2. You gotta give even dollars, and let's not go crazy with the tipping here.
$5. When the service is that good and the base price so cheap, you've got to bump it up a bit.
$10. Just hand the guy a 20 and call it a day. You know damn well the back massage alone is worth twenty bucks.
Depends on how many people are involved. Each barbershop employee that touches you should receive between $2 and $5.
bobwhite -- Which is the most important when at work: being on time, being constructive (offering solutions), dealing with your workload appropriately (not crying) or dressing appropriately (wearing clean, pressed and tasteful attire)?
Being on Time. It's something people remember, and it's what the douchey kinds of bosses like to see when they make their Lumburghian rounds every morning at 8:58.
Being Constructive. Don't shoot things down unless you've got something to suggest. If all you're going to do is piss on stuff, keep your mouth shut.
Dealing with Your Workload Appropriately. In addition to not crying, this also includes (but is not limited to) not stomping around the office huffing and sighing, and demonstrating an amount of stress relative to the weight of a situation.
Dressing Appropriately. When you look professional, you act professional, and people treat you professionally. And if you don't care enough about yourself to not look like a slob/whore/child, you can't be depended upon to care about your job.
renob423 -- how come fortune cookies suck and girlscout cookies rule? will a day come where we could get a cookie that tastes like a girlscout cookie but has a message with lucky numbers inside of it? and if so would we get them at restruants or from scouts?
This is the sort of thing that marks the end of the global economy as we know it. If Chinese food (which is awesome) was topped off with as awesome a dessert as Girl Scout Cookies, all other food ethnicities and varieties would become obsolete.
I'd hope the fortunes were written by actual Girl Scouts. I can picture them saying shit like "Purple is the best color ever" or "You're gonna have a Mansion with 2 kids and a parrot and drive a VW Bug and go on vacation in Paris and marry Brian Vollmer."
If Girl Scout Cookies came free in a wax paper bag full of condiments and plastic cutlery, we probably wouldn't covet them as much.
The Chinese don't have enough girls to have Girl Scouts. (too political?)
subbes -- How come my neighbor at work doesn't realize how loud her farts are?
What makes you think she doesn't realize how loud her farts are? She probably hates you as much as you hate her.
She's so busy trying to stifle the sound of her burps.
She figures if she just let's 'em rip, nobody woudl ever suspect her to fart with such bravado and assume it's her chair or something.
She's old. She's had children and grandchildren. She's been humiliated in ways you could never fully imagine, and she's wiped things clean with her bare fingers that you'd never think of touching. Farting is not a concern.
Quick statistical question: What is it called when a fart doesn't make noise but smells bad, Silent but
eideteker -- Where do you draw the line between old-school and new-school hip-hop?
The Happy Hip Hop era of 1988-1992ish (Jungle Brothers, De La Soul, et. al.).
soarjubs -- 2x 7 = x 18. Solve for x.
When considered in the intended context, X represents the maximization of our collective familiarity with the unknown. We do not solve for X; we are satisfied knowing there is a solution.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit to trying to actually figure out the number answer.
From Evan: You're in Prague. A sniper is in the window above you, there's an alligator behind you, and a grizzly bear in front of you. What do you do? Do you...
A. If it's cold enough in Prague for a grizzly bear, the alligator will be sedated and no threat. Squeeze it's jaw shut, sling it over your back and lie on the ground. The bear won't react if you're still and the sniper won't be able to get a shot off.
B. Back somersault, pry off the alligator's jaw, use it as a boomerang to take out the sniper. He falls out the window - the grizzly will go straight for the easier meal.
C. Kick up a manhole cover to deflect the bullets, and with good aim, angling them into the grizzly bear. The alligator will head for the sewer where it's more comfortable.
D. Charge either the bear or the alligator. Neither are normally found in Prague so the bigger problem than the sniper is the hallucinogen in your system. Serpentine and find the nearest safe house.
In two weeks, my company's Annual Convention is taking place in Nashville. Our closing event is a "Cowboy Chic" semi-formal theme party. I've decided I'm going to buy a real deal western wear shirt (and a Beadazzler, of course, to make it all nice and fancy). Which of these shirts do you like best?
My nephew Henry, a mere 6 months old, already has fully grasped the comic value of making fart sounds with one's mouth, and utilizes it frequently. While sitting contently in his chair, he will amuse himself with fart sounds, and when faced with others, he quickly looks to the fart sound for a quick laugh. What does this say about my nephew and the rest of us?
Henry, as earlier suspected but now confirmed, is among the most awesome babies ever.
Comedy is nature, not nurture. Either you've got it or you don't.
While we try to dismiss it as lowbrow and claim we prefer a nice biting satire, toilet humor is and important part of social development.
When communication through standard means is impossible, all humans, regardless of age, have a common language.