renob423 -- what screams "i'm a total dipshit" the loudest? sunglasses inside, socks with sandles, wearing your bluetooth in your ear all the time, or wearing shorts and a t-shirt and no coat when it's freezing cold outside?
Sunglasses Inside. Even when you're 15 and you're trying to pretend to be hung over in homeroom.
Socks with Sandals. Usually committed by men, this even supersedes the "men should only wear sandals when sand is under their feet" law. Feet a little cold in those sandals? I've got an idea, jerkoff. How about some shoes.
Wearing your Bluetooth all the time. Listen, Seven of Nine: it slides over your ear real easy. You can keep it in your pocket when you're not talking on it.
Underdressing for the Weather. I don't even know what one would be trying to pull off with this look, other than "my mom was right to pin mittens to my sleeves".
absolutcalm -- When they do an I love the 00's what, besides the Super Sluts (Paris, et al), absolutely MUST have a sigment?
The beginning of I Love The Decade Shows. Remember those shows where irrelevant former celebrities and schticky cool personalities busted on fads from their childhood? Back in 2002 they talked about cool stuff they actually liked.
Revenge of the Has Been. From Celebrity Boxing to Celebrity Fit Club, washed-up has-beens could carve themselves a cult following if they were willing to either humiliate themselves or demonstrate a humble decency on cable TV.
TV on DVD. No matter how shitty the show, you can watch it whenever you want on DVD. Never again will anyone have to argue over which part of the motorcycle was the noun in Alex and Nick's grammar lesson.
That tragic day in 2009 when someone tracked down and ritualistically strangled that smug douchebag who played "Mac" in the Apple commercials.
observacious -- What does it mean to have "carnival knowledge" of someone's wife? (See my 3/19 post if you want context)
He knows the best way to get cotton candy is to gently wave the stick around in a circular motion.
He's been known to wrap his Italian Sausage in her Funnel Cake.
He came into town, set up what looked like a fairly solid operation hastily and with way too much grease, they had a great time for a long weekend, and when it was all over, all that was left of the relationship was a few styrofoam cups.
For four tickets she let him ride her Tilt-a-Whirl.
friendship7 -- The best free lollipop comes from...
The unsuspecting seven year old on Halloween.
The guy in the unmarked white van.
Trust me, there's no such thing as a free lollipop.
twicketface -- Since the iPod and curly fries are the two best inventions ever, respectively, what's the third best?
Pay-at-the-Pump gas stations.
Listerine Breath Strips.
Visa check cards.
eideteker -- Where is the line drawn?
For mothers: between bikini and tankini.
For anyone management-level and higher: between "I Love You, Man" drunk and "Cammon over and gimme a hug" drunk.
For single women: between two and three cats.
For men wearing short-sleeved shirts with ties: between a job that requires a name tag and a job that requires a name badge.
soarjubs -- Fill in the blanks: The best thing about a guy with a huge _____________ is when he jams it in my ____________.
pickup truck | reserved spot for compact cars.
+2 Greatsword | favored enemy.
set of golf clubs | hallway closet.
pile of leftover pizza | toaster oven.
subbes -- Activities that best beat boredom at 4:15 on a Friday when the internet is b&.
Thinking up awesome questions for future Friday Polls.
Keep a running tally of how many people go to the bathroom and for how long, and count the number of people who go to the bathroom at 5:18 only to return to their cubes to leave work at 5:27.
Play something similar to the Meow Game, where you pick a random word and see how many times you can use it in one conversation before someone seems to notice.
Create an alternate rolodex using only roman numerals.
bobwhite -- Should women who get breast implants legally lose the right to refer to breasts as "breasts" and instead be forced to call them something else such, "my fake titties?" Feel free to reframe this question in any fashion you like. No need. It's a stellar question as written.
We call American Cheese "cheese" even though it isn't, so they can call their fake titties "breasts" but on the package it has to say "salinized process silicone breast product".
Yes they should. And the term they should have to use is foobs.
No, but they should be legally obligated to have the mudflap girl symbol in the upper left hand corner of their drivers licenses.
Not only will they lose the right to call them breasts (the proper terminology will now be funbags), but if she ever wears a shirt with a word splayed across her funbags, she forgoes the right to object to anyone squeezing them.
From Evan, my awesome boyfriend and coincidentally the biggest nerd in the world: Besides Danielle Rousseau, what TV character would make a good druid?
Al from Home Improvement.
The Janitor from Scrubs.
Cliff Clavin from Cheers.
Phoebe from Friends.
In case you hadn't heard, it's official: Britney and K-Fed are divorced. What we do know is he got a million from the pre-nup and custody of the pups is going 50/50. Apparently, they filed a "skeletal judgment" which means the public document doesn't have all the details. Which of the following is among those details:
Britney gets 15% of all profits from his Super Bowl commercial and any future appearance in which K-Fed makes fun of himself for being a moneygrubbing human leech.
Under the terms of the custody agreement, Britney must employ a chauffeur for any driving required while the children are in her care.
None of Mr. Federline's previous and future offspring will be referred to as the "half-brother" or "half-sister" of Sean Preston and Jayden James, nor will the boys be responsible for attending more than 5 of the half-siblings' birthday parties per year.
Footage from Britney and Kevin: Chaotic is inadmissible in any future court case.