htothem -- I think I'm going to buy that scion. What else should I do to make myself more like an asian boy?
Judging from the Asian boys in my building, take karate, get a razor scooter, try too look all tuff in the hallway, and kick a soccer ball against my door for a few hours on Saturdays. But then again those boys are like, nine, so they can't drive.
Start wearing vintage hair metal t-shirts that fit you like a ziploc bag, grow a killer warrior mullet, and dust off your copy of Appetite for Destruction.
Develop an unhealthy fascination with dirty panties. Luckily you're still a girl so you won't have to go through the shame of purchasing or stealing them.
Stereotypes are wrong and born of hate and lies. Plenty of non-Asian people drive Scions, much to the chagrin of the Scion dealer's body shop division. Man they must make a killing off those shitty Asian drivers.
absolutcalm -- Take [blank] and mix it with [blank] for a hilarious mash-up question! But don't repeat genres/persons/nouns/etc. (I'm fucking META, bitches!!)
There once were Kenny Rogers Roasters restaurants. What other obsolete country music/80's duet collaborators need their own fast food chains?
In every Val-Pak and every Sunday paper insert, there's inevitably an ad for personalized checks with Garfield and shit on them, but none of them ever have the "message" I want in a personalized check. How about some really-applicable check designs?
Whoever thought the screechy broad in the tux waving flashlights around on that Vh1 standup show would become a household name? Choose a presently unnoticeable pseudocelebrity and predict their attention-mongering future.
Quentin Tarantino made a career out of digging washed up has-beens out of talking-baby movies and making retro stars out of them. 15 years from now, what former star will the next tweaky self-obsessed director use to base their career on?
bobwhite -- As long as I wear a clean pressed shirt and pants, how many days in a row can I go without shaving before someone at work has the right to say something?
It depends on how many days it takes your face to go from "I didn't shave" to "I'm growing a beard".
Shit, if you're wearing pants you can go all winter without shaving. Trust me.
If you're in the kind of work where you have to press your clothing, probably not more than two. Jeans and polo types are on a whole different shaving schedule.
Given the level of personal hygiene and commitment to grooming I've seen on several men wearing clean pressed shirts and pants on the Metro, I'd say you never have to shave again as long as the rest of you is presentable.
subbes -- What's wrong with me?
Maple Syrup Urine Disease.
Angelman Syndrome. You remember Maury Angelman? From down the street? He and Iris had that nice Pontiac?
Krabbe Disease. And I don't mean "Crabs"
Zellweger Syndrome Which, honestly, I've had since Bridget Jones' Diary.
renob423 -- this comming monday (actually by the time this is being read this past monday) was my birthday. what did you get me?
I named a star after you. In the future someday kids are going to be studying the planetary system surrounding Renob 423.
I got you a list of all of the people who have called you a douchebag behind your back and made a spreadsheet out of it with separate pages organizing it by date of incident, location, and last name. Do with it what you will.
Uh...this, um...shrink-wrapped gift basket of soaps and bath salts and stuff that are all the same color! No really, I got this for you. It's different than the one my grandma gave me for Christmas.
edieteker -- Happy birthday to me! What the hoy is with all these birthdays? Is it customary to fuck on Labor Day?
Happy Birthday. After years of disappointment, I realized whenever I'm given the option to have a dessert with some sort of Oreo in it, only a fool chooses otherwise.
Happy Birthday. Britney Spears' father's name is Jamie. Her sister is Jamie-Lynn. Anna Nicole named her daughter Daniel-lynn after her dead gay son. What is it with rednecks thinking -lynn makes a boys name a girl's name?
Happy Birthday. If you had any idea how filthy the average waiter's hands are when they're rolling your silverware in sterile little napkin bundles you'd never eat anything again.
Happy Birthday. Part of me is starting to think this whole American Idol thing is just a joke everyone else is playing on me. People watch this shit? When? What channel is it even on?
soarjubs -- What means this application error number "0x62304390"? (Thanks Yahoo! Answers)
From Evan: OMGWTFBBQCCRLOL.
This is just a way to acclimate us to the idea of dog-shaped love dolls so when the German Shepard version with the suspiciously larger penis hole comes out on the market we don't immediately discern it's actual intended purpose.
My brother's cat uses a beanie baby duck as his hump dummy. We call it "Fucky Ducky."
Nowadays dogs have bakeries, day care centers, spas, clothing, beauty salons, and designer accessories. It was only a matter of time before we decided they needed their own sexual dysfunction outlets too. Next up, doggie boner pills.
How long (in months) before there's a Hallmark Hall of Fame/Lifetime/other Network Made for TV movie about the Virginia Tech Shootings?
Mean: 6.80 Median: 6 Std. Dev 4.53
How long (in weeks) before there's a CSI/The Closer/ER episode that's based on the Virginia Tech shootings?
Mean: 3.93 Median: 4 Std. Dev 1.61
On a lighter note, I saw a commercial last night that made me actually laugh out loud. Why?
Since the advent of TiVo, every day has to be Super Bowl Sunday if they're going to get anyone to watch commercials at all.
Since I never watch commercials, I'm more succeptible to their jokes. I need to suffer commercials regularly to build up an immunity.
What do you mean? Commercials are so funny and irreverant!
Hey, it was a 20-year-old-guy getting a bath in a sink. I'm not made of stone.