observacious -- Your Pall Mall slogans were all superb. What other slogans could be used let other non-wedding-related products cash in on the wedding industrial complex?
When the big night is over and it's time to make your grand exit, you want to be sure the world knows you were just married. Charmin. Our super-strong double-ply sheets are sturdy enough to make it from the reception all the way across town.
Your bridesmaid's sister is on her way--she can stop at CVS. From Tide Pens to a wide selection of makeup, CVS has everything you thought to bring but somehow forgot.
Some brides giggle while giving their vows. Some brides cry. You don't want to be the bride that burps. Snapple. No carbonation means no burping.
With the precision of Swiss craftsmanship and the reliability of a Timex, one thing will be sure to run smoothly. They always said he was the type of guy who'd be late for his own wedding. Prove them wrong.
twicketface -- What makes chili so groin-grabbingly delicious?
The nearly 1:1 ratio of fatty ground beef and oil?
That horrible burning feeling it leaves in the back of your throat from all that hyperacidic tomato-based sauce and whatever the hell else goes in there?
How most places that serve chili usually have some other choice thank god?
I can't stand chili, so I'm probably a bad person to answer this. Anyone who feels like taking their hand off their mouse and typing, give a reason why someone might like chili and you can vote on them next week.
coldblackncold -- iPhone: Blow up or Fizzle?
Blow up. Like all new gadgets, especially those as droppable or sit-onable as an iPhone, once it comes down in price significantly it'll be the must-have.
Meh. Treos, Sidekicks, etc., they're all the toys of a select few who need to have it but don't really need it.
Fizzle. Enough with all the handheld internet/TV/email devices. Smaller doesn't make the internet better and I spend enough time with that shit already. Phone is phone. Computer is computer.
htothem -- Why, for the love of God, won't they shut up?
Because as your supervisors, they're paid to tell you what to do and when to do it.
Those with limited intelligence lack any level of self-awareness that would alert them to the possibility that their actions are negatively affecting someone else. They aren't the problem; you're just uptight.
If they didn't talk loudly in their cubicle/on public transportation/in the mall/at a restaurant, how else would everyone around them know how awesome their car/plans/life/job is?
You're severely undermedicated.
subbes -- Since we now have CatCam: http://www.mr-lee-catcam.de/pe_catcam1.htm -- what creature should we next affix a camera to, and what would we see when we got the pictures back?
Dogs: lots of closeups of asses, poo, and dogballs. And probably a few hours of doorknob footage.
Squirrels: it would make a great one of those wraparound movie screen with moving chair things they often try to pass off as "rides" at amusement parks.
Monkeys: after a while they'd probably notice the camera was there and start looking into it, giving us some real quality nostril shots.
Pidgeons: so we can track down and fine the stupid bastards who keep throwing food at the winged vermin.
renob423 -- would you rather have the car charlie sheen drove in the wraith, the delorian from back to the future, or the car from the 1988 NES game blaster master? (ps. my questions RULE!) That's right, man. don't stop believin'.
eideteker -- Why do we have lawns?
So the castrated suburbanite office slaves can experience the satisfaction of manipulating nature, if only for two days a week in a confined space.
To teach children the value of work, sweat, and parental resentment.
To give two people who have nothing else in common other than a shared property line something to smalltalk about.
How else can housewives properly quantify the degree to which their house is the nicest in the neighborhood or why those slobs on the corner should be fined?
absolutcalm -- I'm in O'Hare, as I've been since 1 in the afternoon yesterday, my flight was cancelled and I'm going to miss my little sister's graduation. The Friday Poll is all I have left.
The Friday Poll: We always let you know of cancellations days in advance (except that one time we got so plowed in Atlanta we couldn't keep down solids until 3pm).
Maybe one day, someone will invent IT
I'd start suggesting clever and fun ways to mess with people but I've been stuck at O'Hare before and I'm not going to insult you like that. You're pretty well fucked.
I'm sure the folks at your airline are very sorry for any inconvenience and are making every possible effort to resolve the situation. Not enough to compensate you for it, mind you, but they and appreciate your patience and cooperation.
friendship7 -- Chicken kickers. Whatsupwiththat?
Christ. First dogfighting, now this.
It's all the fun of buffalo wings without the pesky sinew and bones.
The Nutrition pyramid says we have to have a certain amount of protein a day, so we should be eating an entire additonal meal of fried chicken strips with our pizzas in order to stay healthy.
Considering how well Dominos makes pizza, they should definitely take the focus off their main product and branch out. That's bound to make their food seem better.
soarjubs -- Stop telling me what to put in your poll entry boxes...or at least ask nicely.
The Secret, Unwritten Rule #7 of Soarjubsia: "If you're going to ask for something, ask nicely."
Looks like I got my personality facets mixed up this week. HEYOO
If this is some attempt at a "putting stuff in my box" joke, I'm not biting.
I caught an episode of the Smurfs on Boomerang while the cruise. It really serves as evidence against the argument that cartoons were better when we were kids.
In honor of all the hoopla surrounding Bob Barker's final Price is Right episode today, After Plinko, what is the second-best TPIR game?
Hole in One Or Two: the minigolf one.
Punch-A-Bunch: the one where people smash those circles of paper to pull out dollar amounts.
Cliff Hangers: the yodeling mountain man one.
Race Game: the one where people run around putting price tags on stuff and pulling the big crank to check if they're right.
Dearest soarjubs, put your damn question in the box below and quit your pussy whining. If any other of you lovely people would like to submit a question to be answered in next week's poll, please do so.