htothem -- What is making my fridge smell?
The box of Baking Soda you put in there to "deodorize" it back in 2003.
Perhaps it was all those disturbing animatronics experiments you did when you were indulging that sick little "appliances have senses too" fantasy of yours.
That tupperware full of pistachio pudding? Yeah, not so much. But I'm sure you're wondering where your cream cheese went.
You would be smelly too if you ran for 7 years without a break ba-dumdum
popespydie -- Why oh why does American Idol stay on the air?
Thanks to the sucking power of most recent music artists, record labels realized it's not worth their time and money to go out looking for new "talent". It's like America's Most Wanted for the recording industry.
Like the Crocs issue, your immediate and secondary circles of human interaction are unfortunately not indicative of the greater population. Even if you have no idea who, millions of people watch this shit over and over and over.
Because every cell phone company in existence would sue the living shit out of Fox if they ever cut off this million-call-a-night cash cow.
Just to rub it in the face of every great show that has come and gone in the past five years that didn't make it because the public is stupid and networks won't take chances.
twicketface -- A PB Loco has just opened up in my town. Who are the ad wizards that came up with this one?
I know! It's peanut butter. Peanuts...whipped into a butter! Do they really think this is what George Washington Carver was aiming for? It's not rocket science, it's pureed legumes!
I know! Asian Curry? Sun-Dried Tomato? Lady, give me a jar of Jif, Wonder bread, and some strawberry preserves and I'm good to go!
I know! I haven't seen anyone this into peanut butter since Elvis! They say he's been dead for 30 years, but this whole PB Loco thing's got me doubting!
I know! Aren't there enough things out there for people to give as presents to someone they hardly know? I still haven't used up all the scented bath oils I got during the basket craze of 1998!
coldblackncold -- Enough with these shallow partisan debates, who would win the Presidential Candidate Battle Royale in the steel cage?
Hilary. With Bill and his bullhorn distracting her opponents from the side like a heterosexual Jimmy Hart, she tears off her humanlike mask and breathes a column of fire from her skeletal maw, burning her fellow presidential hopefuls alive.
McCain. He's got plenty of experience withstanding beatings while inside a steel cage. Too soon?
John Edwards. After fluttered his hands squealing "not in the face!" during the first round, nobody felt right hitting him at all. Then when he started crying during the final four, everybody else forfeited.
Rudy Guliani. He may not be the toughest or the biggest, or the prettiest, but any New Yorker (who's actually from New York, ahem) knows slide a shiv between someone's ribs under the cover of chaos.
subbes -- The e-mail I should send to the next person who sends me an urgent tech support request about their data having vanished when really THEY NEED TO CLICK A BUTTON TO SEE IT and they haven't done that?
Dear Co-Worker: I've heard of this sort of thing happening before. I'll come by your office as soon as possible to begin work on the recovery procedure. It may take a while, so you might want to make a Starbucks run (or early happy hour, haha!)
Dear Co-Worker: Your data isn't lost, it's "hiding" as they say in IT, under a scriptovox. When the memory lines get saved on over and over, your computer jumbles them to protect itself. A quick hard drive regiglination should do the trick.
Dear Co-Worker: No problem! We've posted a bunch of documents that will walk you through this. All you need to do is log on to the intranet, go to the IT section, open the "References" folder, click on "How To", and download the "Data Fix" PDF.
Dear Co-Worker: The data was there a second ago and it's gone? If you haven't been doing your hourly backup saves, I'm sorry to say it's lost. Computers are unreliable like that, they just eat people's files for no reason.
eideteker -- Are my methods unsound?
Your methods may be unsound, but your reslts are out of this world. It's not the means, folks. It's the ends.
I don't see any method at all.
Unsound? The whole freaking system is unsound!
The proper term is "atonal".
renob423 -- who's the bigger asshole steven covey or dr phil? I had to google Stephen Covey (and so did htothem when I asked her to make sure I wasn't alone in this), so the answer is Dr. Phil. & of all my kick ass questions which one is "my best work"?
March 3, 2006: why do the olympics suck so much?
May 5, 2006: what will happen first black president, woman president, or gay president?
October 27, 2006: what happened with the cocktail waitress at the tropicana?
March 9, 2007: how come fortune cookies suck & girlscout cookies rule? will a day come where we could get a cookie that tastes like girlscout cookies but has a message with lucky numbers inside of it? would we get them at restruants or from scouts?
Okay so you've done some good work in the past year and a half. But you've also stunk it up from time to time. Which of renob423's four least ass-kicking questions really qualifies as the bottom of the renob barrel?
January 13, 2006: who sleeps in lee harvey's grave?
February 3, 2006: is there really a brand of AA battery that lasts longer than the others?
August 4, 2006: can vitrual reality make you smarted like it did for jobe?
May 11, 2007: how many pumpkins are there?
absolutcalm -- Who is the sexiest grotesquesly obese person on the planet? These going to have to all be men. Since grotesquely obese women are not allowed to be photographed by the media and are discouraged from venturing out in public, there won't be any women who qualify that all of us know.
Well that was harder than I thought it would be. I even enlisted Google's help, and the only other fat men seemed to be dead (Candy, Farley), or not all that fat (Kevin James, Jack Black). I did learn that BHM (Big Handsome Man) is the male equivalent of BBW. As if the internet needs more fetishes.
DCM's: Dotted Chin Men. Nothing punctuates sexuality like a cleft chin.
SLB's: Super Long Braids. When her hair is so long it's dead from her elbows to her knees, the only thing that can tame that vicious mane is a braid gathered at the nape of her graceful neck, tracing her spine and tickling her calves.
HBG's: High Belted Guys: Natural waist be damned. These guys wear their pants in all the right places, leaving women in limp moaning piles of ecstasy in their wake.
SPL's: Stretchy Pants Ladies: Elastic waistband? Check. Loose and flowy through the thighs? Check. Tapered back in at the ankle for that erotic cone leg shape? Check and check.
From Evan: Enough with these shallow partisan debates, who would win the Movie Robot Battle Royale in the steel cage? Movie, TV, whatevs.
Crow & Tom Servo: In a tag team combo move known as the Doom Dispenser, Tom Servo launches Crow at their opponents like a spinning gumball of fists and rage.
Bender: Everything the steel cage usually shuts the fighters away from: folding chairs, crowbars, folding chairs, brooms...with a flip of his chest, Bender's got one at his fingertips and he's just drunk enough to use it.
Johnny 5: So his big, expressive, squirrel-like eyes have got you overlooking his tank treads and short-armed, bottom-heavy, Tyrannosaurus-looking design? Exactly what he's banking on.
AWESOM-O: Okay, so...like The Terminator turns his arm into a hammer or something and then smashes it into the kid from Sixth Sense who was a robot in A.I. But AWESOM-O intitates his fart sequence and knocks everyone out with the fumes.
I craigslisted this massage chair pad thing we got from Evan's stepgrandmother. Back on Monday, I got a bite, and the buyer wanted to meet up at Pentagon City Metro at 7am. I said how about the afternoon, she said no she vanpools in the afternoons, but could drive in one day this week to come to my house at 7am and pick it up. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to make it Tuesday or Wednesday morning because:
Her husband normally uses the car those days.
Her kids ran the battery out "camping" in the car last night and she wasn't sure if she'd have a new battery by then.
It's supposed to rain either Tuesday or Wednesday and she doesn't drive in the rain.
So we agreed that she'd come to my house this morning at 7am. I got up 15 minutes early, showered, and was ready enough to do the handoff by 7. She called at 7:05 semi-lost, and said she needed to stop _____________ before she met me so she'd be another 10 minutes or so.
to go to the ATM
She had said in the email she wanted me to prove it worked, so when she finally arrived, I plugged it in, and was looking for the jack for the AC adapter (which I remember having trouble with the first time). The zipper was stuck, and after a few minutes of struggling and her getting scissors out of her car, we unstuck it, only to find the jack wasn't there, but plainly and obviously on the on/off switch thing. I apologized for my mistake, and she says:
"You made me late, wasted my time."
"That was stupid, why would they put it there?"
"It's broken now, I don't want it."