htothem -- What is more disconcerting than having an animal waggle his wang at you?
Having an animal waggle his wang in you. Too far?
That moment every owner of a male cat has experienced when he does that twistaround wrist-bite move, doing his damndest to turn this sweet neck scruff rub into a forearm hump.
Having that bum by your office, you know the one I'm talking about - he sort of looks like Santa Claus but he wears sweatpants that are so tight that in the summertime when he sweats you can see the outline of his balls - waggle his wang at you.
The time when the VP of Finance brought his too-short bathing suit to the company picnic and then after he went swimming (by himself, natch) he never put a shirt back on, but hung out at the picinic in just his trunks and flip flops.
observacious -- What happened to the Intel "bunny" people? Jeez, I barely remember this.
They took off their suits and got jobs as dancing silhouettes in the iPod commercials.
Finding solace in the shared experience of being cast-off corporate mascots, they formed a religious commune (some called it a cult) headed by the Dell Dude. There was talk of some kind of ritualistic mass suicide, but it didn't make many papers.
After the unpleasant incident involving one of the pink Bunny People and the Energizer Bunny, they all have kept a low profile.
In an attempt to duplicate the success of the Blue Man Group, they tried to leverage their commercial shilling into a Vegas show, but interpretive miming doesn't quite fill the seats.
coldblackncold -- The Blind are suing The Target over its unfriendly website chockfull of bargains on sunglasses, tin cups, and canes; what should The Blind be doing with their ample free time instead?
Spending their money a store whose website works for them.
Using that internet-reading machine of theirs to listen to Michelangelo/Donatello slash fic.
Developing a line of juniors babydoll t-shirts with funny sayings written on them in braille.
Based on what I learned about the blind as a child: answering the iron, reading stucco walls, and trying to have sex with cans of tuna fish.
absolutcalm -- Uhm... I don't have a question this week and it feels kind of like having Rosario Dawson beg to suck me off and not being able to get it up.
Don't worry about it. It happens to all guys from time to time, so I've heard. It doesn't make us think you're any less funny. I'm okay if you want to just answer the questions. You can try again next week.
I feel you. The sight of that blank text box makes me shrivel up like I was skinny dipping in Lake Michigan on Christmas morning.
My grandfather used to say this all the time "when wants to suck your dick, you gotta take a deep breath, clear your mind, and blow your load with all you got. Even if you hit her in the eye or something, never back down.
Maybe if you switch her from Sin City Rosario Dawson to Kids Rosario Dawson it won't be so intimidating.
renob423 -- where does the iron knight sleep? what is long for mud? Give me an example of a movie you were really excited to see but it turned out to be a dud.
The Phantom Menace. Or, if you're an idiot like me who convinced yourself each time that they just had to get better, all three prequels.
Planet of the Apes (feat. Marky Mark).
The Matrix Reloaded.
White Noise. The rare 5th choice is probably just for me since I'm the only person alive who looked forward to that movie. The whole "ghosts haunting radios and TVs" thing scares the poop out of me and I wanted so bad for it to be awesome.
subbes -- I have been away for three weeks. What did I miss?
A whole bunch of ideas/plans/suggestions on how to punish those around us who refuse to do things as efficiently, skillfully, or sensibly as we do.
Three week's worth of fake plots for goodawful movies, sequels or TV shows that we can only hope Hollywood never gets their hands on.
Slurs, slurs, and more slurs.
friendship7 -- What if our souls are housed in our tonsils?
If that's true, then what's in our wisdom teeth? Our conscience? Our childhood? Our willingness to ignore the consequences of our own stupidity?
Then those old theories about sickness being the result of demonic posession must have been right. The tonsils swell when our soul is being tested and must stand strong in the face of evil.
That explains all the deadeyed zombies on public transportation.
Preposterous. That's like suggesting we don't need our souls, which as we all know, without a soul, automatic doors don't open for you.
In an effort to avert my eyes from Tyra, I've taken to reading the gossip mags at the gym. I don't know where they come from, but based on the publishing dates, some bizarre time-machine. I swear to shit, I read a Good Houskeeping from 1998 last week. For the most part it doesn't matter, but I was surprised today to learn Jennifer Garner is dating her Alias co-star and wondered how I missed her and Ben Affleck breaking up. Then I realized the magazine was from 2003. If I keep reading my gossip out of order, what will become of our favorite celebrities?
Angelina's brother delivers the killing blow in the tumultous Brangelina marraige, sweeping her off her feet with a passionate kiss at the Oscars. Inconsolable, Brad finds comfort in the company of his friend Jen. But are they just friends?
Things between Justin and Britney seem more promising than ever after her crash-and-burn performance at the VMA's. The couple was seen at the premiere of her film Crossroads with two boys who must be the celibate former Mousketeer's nephews.
All those photographs speculating whether Nicole Richie is hiding her "baby bump" under flowy dresses would be enough to drive anybody to anorexia. Lay off the girl. She probably lost all her boozing pudge after she got scared straight by the DUI.
Following reports of her death, Anna Nicole Smith is found hiding out in the Bahamas, having gained back all her Trimspa weight blowing all of her old man husband money on conch fritters. Hopefully her new reality show will relaunch her career.