observacious -- Best ways to stay relaxed during my next few weeks of birthday-wedding-birthday chaos sandwich?
Since you're already having a big party for the wedding, just call it the BirthdayWeddingBirthday party and forget about the chaos. You certainly don't need it.
Write yourself some prescriptions on sticky notes or other stationery and try to see if you can get them filled. Either you get the hilarity of messing with pharmacists, or you get unnecessary drugs. Win/Win.
Whenever things start to get hairy, sit down and watch some of the Puppy Bowl
Displacement, displacement, displacement.
coldblackncold -- What happened at bobwhite's bachelor party?
A bunch of grown men celebrated the coming event in which one of their own will be guaranteed sex for the rest of his life by spending an evening staring at women who none of them could have sex with.
Someone, unbeknownst to him, at some point during the night, had balls on his forehead.
The guys got together for the kind of boy's night that they could only have before Bob gets hitched. Or after the wedding, or really, any time they all got together and planned it.
If everything went well, none of you should remember.
eideteker -- 2-part question: Best serial killer pickup lines?
"You're a Leo? Me too! Wow, after this and how we both majored in Psychology, the next thing you're going to tell me is that your favorite movie is Ghost too! ... Okay, now this is getting weird. We have so much in common!"
"I'm not looking for something superficial. I really want to get inside a person."
"Oh, I love kids. There's really no child alive that I couldn't fall in love with at once. They're so innocent and vulnerable, ya know?"
"Wow, you're exactly the kind of woman a guy wants to drag home to meet his mother."
eideteker -- Worst serial killer pickup lines?
"I drive a van...yeah, it's pretty big. I could cram at least a dozen people in it. We can go check it out if you like. You know what they say about rockin' vans."
"No, I don't date much. Most women are such bitches. Filthy, abusive, cold, heartless whores. It makes a guy feel so small and useless. But you're not like that."
"Do you read the internet much? Good. Nothing but lies and bullshit. And lemme tell ya about the post office. I wouldn't set foot in there if I were you. You never know what sort of shit is gonna go down there."
"You've got really nice teeth. Have you had a lot of dental work in your life? No? Nothing really unusual or distinctive? That's good."
subbes -- Things worse than being trapped in an elevator for 40 hours.
The annual 8-hour departmental offsite intensive strategic planning retreat.
I-95, the Sunday after Thanksgiving.
Hospital waiting room: the TV is stuck on a Next
marathon. The hacking cough from the mole-covered old man four seats over is on a 37-second loop, followed by the requisite snort & swallow.
Fighting your way out of the parking lot after a major sports event.
sublimal -- Why obama is an elitist Sorry, not gonna bite. As tempting as it may be... Michelangelo vs. Panthro.
absolutcalm -- I've recently found out that I am, in fact, Good Luck Chuck. Every ex-girlfriend I have goes super serious with their next boyfriend-- some marry, some move in together, the rest is long term. What bad film plot would I rather be?
. MILF Buffet! (which, if you liked that, imdb recommends American Beauty)
50 First Dates
. That way, you could be as big an asshole to the girl you want, and every day you start with a clean slate.
. You can be a crappy a spy as you want. As long as you're willing to sell out your family, they'll give you a gun.
pooplord -- New Kids reunion or Stone Temple Pilots reunion?
New Kids. Think about the moms. They've got kids now, some of them even in junior high. It's been a long time since they've had something that was truly theirs. And it's not like that sort of music has changed at all since 1989.
Stone Temple Pilots. Casting for Rock of Love 3 has gotta start somewhere.
renob423 -- how old were you when you found/obtained/viewed your 1st porno? who's was the owner of that porno, and what decade was it from? what "brand" was it, and was it like a cache of porno or just a single one?
You filled me with such hope last week. And like every time I get filled with hope, it predictably came crashing down.
Sweet. I was worried you started smoking less grass. Welcome back!
Though nontraditionally submitted, I'll let it in: petdance -- Is this a rash, or what?
I dunno, but stop picking at it.
Here, smell this.
Put that away. There are children at the other table.
I've told you a thousand times, it's not a rash. I've always had freckles on my arms. All that stuff you tell me to put on them isn't going to make them go away.
You're at Marshalls, Ross, TJMaxx, etc. and find an item that you like and is actually the right size and doesn't have a blotch of ink or some other bullshit on it. Anyway. So the price tag lists the item's "Original Price", x. But you lucky bargain shopper can buy it here for the low low discount price of y. How much money have you saved?
x - y = Money saved. The greater the difference between x and y, the better the deal.
If n represents the most money I would consider spending on this item (usually n < x), then n - y = Money saved. I'm not going to count the money I wouldn't have spent as savings.
Unexpected consequences of the grain shortages:
Mere days after the price of grain and starch products rises above the price of lean proteins, gossip mags everywhere will run features about celebrity mommas losing their baby bulges with a strict diet of rice, bread and pasta.
The wine snobbery craze will be outshined by a new artesian bread craze.
"What did he think, I was gonna blow him or something? I ordered the lobster. It's not like I got the risotto."
The secret ingredient is...BISQUICK!