eideteker -- What do you do you do to those who cross you?
Step on the back of their shoe so they either walk out of it or get a mean flat tire.
If they're standing in the front of a church, usually nod and say "amen" or whatever. Otherwise, it's a whole different story.
Make a mental note of it, and make every following encounter with that person a marvel of passive-aggression.
Feel better knowing that even if I'm not responsible for the direct retaliation, they'll get theirs in the end.
renob423 -- will the question of the day ever come back? will cami tops ever come back? and where does editecker get off calling me inane. he's fucking inane, i'm like so nane people envy my naneness. nanetown: population ME! why's he gotta be a dick about being nane
St. Elmo's Fire.
htothem -- A turkey sandwich without cheese is like?
Totally Kosher, man.
A turkey sandwich without mayo.
Spaghettios without meatballs.
A hotel without a pool.
absolutcalm -- Political question, political question! I call out the entire Friday Poll for having the Jesse Jackson question, which I found tasteless and offensive, and demand an equally offensive question regarding Jesse Helms in hell. Very well. I didn't think it was offensive, so I'll do my best at making this one equally so.
So he shows up in hell and the guy is like "hey, did you like to drink on earth? If so, you're gonna love Mondays. How about drugs? If you ever wanted to try drugs, just wait until Tuesday. Jesse Helms, rite? Lemme tell you a little about Wednesday.
Jesse Helms schedules a meeting with the Devil and says, "it seems like you guys have some sort of problem in your admissions department. I don't see any fags or nigras anywhere." The Devil replies, "hey, who did you think you got the idea from?"
One day, Helms is waiting on line at the dog-asshole-licking station with a smile on his face. Strom Thurmond asks him why he's in such a good mood. He says, "sure the work sucks, but my cancer is cured and I get to hang out with my old friends!"
Like every day in hell, Demons spend hours furiously anal raping Jesse Helms until one notices his knees are covered in his own semen. Confused, the demon says he'll suffer everything bad he said about others. He replies, "Sometimes bets pay off."
haveyaseenlucky -- Which of these Magic Lantern features would be most successful as a major motion picture today, and whom would they star? If you have the time today, I recommend looking at them for real. They're wonderfully bizarre, but they're pretty big files, and I don't understand why they're not in PowerPoint. But what's a Magic Lantern?
Little Jim, starring Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin: the story of a couple bound by love but burdened by their pig child. Is it herbal tea or arsenic?
Nellie's Prayer, starring Miley Cyrus: A young psychic girl leaves home to determine the cause of death of a man found lying next to a burning cannon. Grandma sends her telepathic messages & she is returned home, but the strain was too much for Grandma.
The Life Boat, starring Mark Whalberg: when a storm threatens a quiet New England town, there will be no rest for the weary nor respite for the sick until the water cannon can be hauled out to sea to destroy the Buccaneer ride and the giant oceanic plant.
The Matron's Story, starring Kathy Bates: attendance at church was dismal. The Matron does whatever it takes to reunite the congregation, from spreading gossip to faking illnesses, and the most shocking twist ending since the Sixth Sense!
observacious -- What's for dinner?
A packet of Lipton Noodles & Sauce and a can of green beans.
Whichever leftover didn't make me lightheaded after the sniff test.
Cigarettes and Cheerios.
You tell me. Do you think you were the only one of us who spent the day doing shit we don't care about for someone we don't like? How about you figure out what's for dinner and I'll stick my head up my ass for an hour or so.
pooplord -- I just ate some moldy grape leaves. Is this going to be like that episode of Futurama where the space worms rebuild Fry's brain, or am I going to die?
Since you're asking this question, I don't think the space worms are doing anything beneficial to your brain. Next week you'll be making as much sense as renob.
We're all going to die.
That would explain all the ancient Greek philosophers.
Or on the other hand, it might explain the theory of Atlantis.
friendship7 -- Why is there gelato all over the place?
Thanks to the ubiquity of Starbucks and other purveyors of Italian coffee drinks, the Euro-cache of Cappuccinos and Lattes has been lost. Gelato is here to re-inspire the Italian cafe culture.
Try a napkin, pal.
We live in a society where people pay more for one bag of chips than the other because the bag has a matte finish and it says "Natural" on it. Melt some ice cream a bit, give it a fancy name and sell it in small servings. You'd be a fool not to.
Anyone can have ice cream. Only the truly with-it people in the know have gelato.
coldblackncold -- How many brain pills does the Nevermind Baby have to take in the morning to function? Approximate dollar amount he and his parents will have spent on therapy in his lifetime?
As if knowing that baby is 17 weren't enough to make me feel old today, there's already a generation that thinks it would have been cooler to be a teenager when I was a teenager.
Based on his comfort level with his friends walking on a gigantic image of his baby penis, I'm guessing the prescriptions were written in 1997 and have been filled steadily ever since.
Though the specifics may be different, the themes are similar: frustration with his peers over inaction, the cranking of loud music, the testing of authority and nostalgia for another generation. He should be just as functional as Kurt Cobain.
This poor kid has had to make sure he's cool and edgy enough to have been the Nevermind baby. He probably wishes he could be some shut-in nerd, but he's known for at least 10 years that this interview would come, and he'd have to be ready for it.
Throughout the year, work gives us some thing that has our logo on it as an employee appreciation token of sorts. We've gotten t-shirts, folding directors chairs, water bottles and such. Yesterday, we got an insulated lunch box/bag, but from the way it was folded, my first guess was it was going to be a fanny pack. I got to thinking how much I love fanny packs, and how I wish they weren't such atrocities. They're so convenient. Perfect for amusement parks when you only want to carry your camera and sunscreen or whatever and don't have to leave it in the cubby. What other thing do you wish would come back or otherwise not be such a style atrocity?
You couldn't be righter on the fanny pack thing.
Similarly, does anybody remember "Units" or "Multiples" clothes?,
Oh yeah. And I either had or coveted them.
I do, and I wish I didn't.