absolutcalm -- If there were a battle of the smarm with the smarmiest lead actors around, who would win: Vince Vaugn, Dane Cook, Ryan Renolds or a dark horse smarmy bastard?
As they all sit and wait for another to make the first move, Vaughn silently reaches into his back pocket, pulls out a tattered slip of paper and reads off the names of the celebrities he's banged. The other smarms beg for mercy.
Vaughn and Reynolds are sent cowering in the corner covering their ears while Dane Cook tries out his latest material: "HAY GUYS! I CAN TOTALLY GET MORE PUSSY THAN YOU! CHECK IT OUT! THEN I GET DRUNK AND STUFF!"
Ryan Reynolds, looking around the room at the competition, throws up his hands and says "look at you guys. Now look at me. I'd rather lose than have your greezy hands on my beautiful face". Then he sucker punches them.
With one leer and his most mediocre smirk, Hugh Grant makes those other wannabes wish they never even tried to play the game.
pooplord -- Yo-Yo Ma and Itzhak Perlman bow-synching at the inauguration... what wool will the Obama administration try to pull over our eyes next?
Malia and Natasha aren't really his daughters, are android amalgamations of all the adorable little black girls from sitcoms past, from Bud-phase Rudy Huxtable to the missing girl from Family Matters.
Both his homeless aunt-in-law or whatever in Boston and his ethnic-garbed Kenyan family are all community theater actors from a small town outside Memphis, filmed in an LA studio to give him a certain authenticity.
Little is said about his time at Columbia University, to the speculation of some. While he did spend 2 years there, instead of attending classes, he attended to young ladies from the midwest who were having trouble adjusting to the big city.
Nobody ever called him "Barry O." as a kid. He copied that from the nickname Hammer gave Emmanuel Lewis on the Surreal Life.
eideteker -- What just happened?
That woman just walked right in here, went on about four different tangents and stormed out. I have no idea what she was talking about.
We managed to have a staff meeting that was constructive, productive, and took less time than we planned. Don't expect that to happen again.
That doggy loves the other doggy very much.
Ugh. Five Guys. That's what happened.
popespydie -- Why do all the hole-in-the-wall restaurants have such great food?
Because somebody there cares about it. It's "their" restaurant.
They usually have abysmal health department scores. But if your kitchen, or your mother's kitchen, were subject to the same inspections, it would fail miserably too.
They're not afraid to use butter, oil, salt, MSG, trans fats, or anything else you're not supposed to.
Recipies are created and changed based on their success or actual feedback from customers and staff instead of seasonal promotions mailed to them from corporate.
coldblackncold -- Best thing about Facebook: Finding out which of your high school classmates are now overweight or just fatter? bald? and/or gay?
Trying to guess how much fatter they have become based on whether their profile picture is of their kid or their dog.
Determining which of your female friends have already turned into their mothers based on the types of flair they send to you.
Realizing which of the people you lost contact with since high school haven't changed since high school. Not in the "wow, you're still the awesome genuine person I loved" way but the "holy crap you still hang out at the same pool hall" way.
The minute-by-minute updates on which of your friends are tired, don't feel like working, or would rather be drinking.
renob423 -- do they tell workers at starbucks to have a conversation with people when they are waiting on their drink? and if they are, is this tactic something people like or is it just fucking annoying?
Starbucks has the rare distinction of being a fast-food-like chain whose employees require few skills for their near-minimum wage and yet they all speak English. They're just showing off.
Anything to distract you from the fact that you vastly overpaid for shitty coffee coupled with the added insult that you had to not only wait to order it but wait even longer to get it.
Shoving a hyper-chatty, extra-smiley person in your face every morning before you've had your coffee simply reinforces your suspicion that you need coffee in the morning in order to deal with people.
Ladies and gentlemen, a twofer: renob423 -- how come it's so hard to find a good smoothie these days? Okay, I don't get the smoothie thing. I can't feel full unless I've chewed my meal, and if I'm going to drink a heavy, calorie-filled drink, it may as well be a milkshake. Smoothies? Yea or Nay?
For you pro-smoothie types, what's the appeal?
The post office is considering decreasing delivery from 6 to 5 days a week. Please choose the appropriate question for this headline:
What can I look forward to now that my usual Monday afternoon mundane surprise of finding Saturday's mail sitting in the box because I forgot they deliver on Saturdays (again)?
Now that we all know it's FedEx and UPS delivering all of the "Express" and "Overnight" packages for the Post Office, what excuse would anybody ever have for using them for an overnight delivery?
Given the inadequacy of the near-constantly scrolling "The Digital TV Switch is Coming" information outreach, how does anybody plan to get this message across?
If millions fewer pieces of mail were delivered in 2008 than in 2007, what should the Post Office write on the card with the bouquet they should send thanking GEICO for keeping them in business?