The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight (maeincarnate) wrote,
The Mad Poller What Polls at Midnight
maeincarnate

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Pathetic Geek Story for Carla Beth

In seventh grade, we had Mr. Lyons for health. He was the 28-year-old junior varsity wrestling coach who doubled as a gym/health teacher. He was the object of many a 12-year-old girl’s desire (a dream which came to a crashing reality while hanging out at a bar in my hometown this summer I saw him cruising for chicks in the same bar his former students hang out at). He had some good approaches to teaching what 7th grade health is all about: sex ed. And since he was seen by the students as a sexual being, he was authentic. He’d do things like have us write anonymous questions on slips of paper and then he’d read them all in front of class so as not to embarrass anyone, or set up Sex-Ed Jeopardy games and stuff.

One day, during a Sex-Ed-Jeopardy game I was paired up with two of the biggest geeks in our grade. And we were losing. Bad. For some reason, all of the other teams whose members would be having sex within the next year or so were all doing much better than we were and it was a bit of an embarrassment. So when the question on the board was, “What male organ fills with blood when aroused?” I rang right in.

Panic.

Realizing that I now had to say a sexual word out loud in class in front of everyone made me think maybe the embarrassment of losing the game was better than this. In my panic, I froze. Pause. Everyone is staring at me, waiting. Longer pause. Finally, my voice let out a crack and then in a question-like inflection: “Penis?”

Red faced, I remained frozen. Everyone was still staring. Suddenly, Mr. Lyons burst out laughing. So did the rest of the class. They laughed at me for a good three minutes. Through his weeping laughter, Mr. Lyons wiped his eyes and chalked me and my geek teammates up for ten points.
Tags: life stories
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